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Sex with Dr. Jess


December 1, 2022

How To Have Different Types Of Orgasms Part I

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From clitoral orgasms to prostate orgasms to G-Spot orgasms and everything in-between, Jess and Brandon share tips & personal insights & experiences on orgasm. They also discuss how height affects sexual pleasure and chat about the Peony & Mushroom sex toys.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Have Different Types Of Orgasms Part I

Participant #1:
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I’m your hostess, Brandon. We’re here with my lovely other half, Dr. Suggest, here to talk orgasms today and all the different types of orgasms. Brandon, how many types of orgasms do you think there are? 1010. Different. Just a random number I’ve thrown out. Yes. What we were going to talk about, about ten or eleven. Okay. I don’t have the answer to that. I think it would be sort of infinite. There could be all not infinite. All right. Okay. Not going to be thousands of different types of orgasms. Maybe there are, though, depending on how you classify an orgasm. So we’re going to be talking about them quitoral, cervical, Gspot, prostate fullbodied blended. I’m going to see how many we get to because, I don’t know, there’s a lot of them. So we’re going to go through I also want to talk about Short Kings, because I’ve been watching the Sex Lives of College Girls on HBO. Max and I did this press up for Elite Daily the other day, and they were asking me to either confirm or debunk the idea that short men are better in bed. So we’re going to get to all of that. But first I want to shout out Love Shop, because Love Shop has been supporting our podcast, and we share so many of our missions in common in terms of just destigmatizing sex, talking about sex, which is obviously what we are here doing. And I had mentioned last week that they sent me a whole bunch of toys. I’ve been using a handful of them. I don’t think I talked about the mushroom last week, so it’s a little also known as the Mushroom. Mushroom, mushroom, mushroom. The Mushroom. You say it wrong. I’ll tell you what, I’m not going to go put a poll out on this one on Instagram because I’m going to lose. There’s going to be, like, four Jamaicans who agree with me, and the rest of the people are going to agree with you. So the Mushroom is a small to medium sized wand that I was I’ll be honest, I was a little bit reticent and suspect of it to begin with because it’s very, very flexible. It has this really flexible head. It’s quite soft and plush. But I am actually loving it again for the same reason I loved the peony from last week. Sorry, go ahead and correct me on peony. Peony. Okay. That one’s hard, though. I don’t know. I’m going to put the pull out on that one. So the mushroom wand It has a flexible head, and I’m loving it because it feels very diffused, and I like that it’s kind of soft. It has some give to it. But if you want to add your own pressure as you kind of get closer to orgasm, you can. So I’m going to shout out the mushroom. I’m going to shout out the Pionee. I love the pionee. I mentioned last week that it has all these little gentle nubbins on it. And I’ve never, ever in my life used a product like this.

So very, very cool. And then finally the Kala lily. I love the Kalalai because it’s a lily with a little tonguelike device sticking out of it. And the tongue can do all sorts of fabulous things. And unlike real tongues that get tired, the callaway just keeps going and going and going. I mean, I’m sure it has its limits, too, but I’ve never taken it to its own. I just can’t compete with those batteryoperated toys. No. Plus, you’re always talking and asking for feedback. Anyhow, check it out. Drjss. And you can save 15% with code. Dr. Jess. So even if you don’t go direct to that landing page, if you just go to, you can always use Code Dr. Jess to save 15% and get that shipping in. They actually ship really quickly. They ship in two to four days. It’s totally discreet. Plan ahead. Plan ahead for the holidays if you are shopping. Are you going to be shopping this year, babe? Are you going to buy me something? We’ll see. If you’ve been naughty, you’re nice, too. Okay, I can guarantee you bridge, that’s enough. We don’t do the gifting, but I think it’s because we get all these gifts that keep on giving all year round. Okay, I want to talk about this Short Kings theory. So there’s a show on HBO, Max, called The Sex Live of College Girls. And I’ve been watching I watched the last season, and I didn’t realize that the new season was out. But I received this request from Elite Daily, which is a website that talks about a whole bunch of things, lifestyle topics, including sex. And they wanted to know, are short men better in bed? Because their argument was that something to do with circulation and how if the shorter you are, the better your erections. And I’m just going to say straight up, short answer yes is the answer. You’re too tall, babe. You’re too tall. No. I don’t know. This idea that a specific height is going to make someone a better lover or a better partner just really doesn’t make sense to me. I think the other piece of the theory was that when there’s no height differential, it will improve your angles. And listen, it is totally possible that some people find it easier to maneuver with a partner who is of a similar height or someone shorter than them or taller than them. Fine. And if this is your experience, that is 100% valid. But on the whole, there is no universally perfect height combo because positions and furniture and angles are so highly varied, like even the angles of our body, whatever. Orifice you’re sticking things in. If that’s the type of sex you have when you put in a mouth or vagina or an anus or an ear or a belly button or whatever. These things vary from person to person. And specifically I’ll talk about for folks with vaginas, the angles you enjoy when it comes to penetration can vary from day to day, like with your menstrual cycle, with your cervical positioning. And so again, if for this character in the show oh, what’s her name? Is it Bella? I think it’s awesome. But I would not personally recommend you pick a partner based on height. They also wanted me to talk about whether you have better erections if you’re shorter or taller. So I started looking into the research and I spend too much time pulling up these studies and, you know, it is possible that body height and blood circulation, and in theory that would be tied to erectile functioning. It’s possible that height and circulation could be correlated or have an effect on one another. But I would be so cautious about overstating this. So I found one study, the Big Study of 2 million Swedish siblings, and it was published in Circulation Cardiovascular Genetics. And what they found was that men shorter than five three have a 65% lower risk of developing a specific type of blood clot, a blood clot kind that can lead to heart attack and stroke versus those who are over 62. So we’re talking about people who are like eleven inches apart. That’s just one study. And that also doesn’t mean you have better erections, right? It’s possible that these things can be related to cardiovascular health, but cardiovascular health is not the only thing that affects erections. And then there’s this other study I found.

There were a whole bunch of them, but I just wanted to highlight a couple of them. Another study I found, the results showed that the risk of dying from heart disease actually decreases with height. So taller people in this study were better off. And as I kind of started digging through this stuff, instead of doing other things I should have been doing, what we realize is that height is not the issue when it comes to erections overall. And so I would just suggest there are way more important factors than height that affect erectile functioning. So we’ve got overall cardiovascular health, age, diet, absence of smoking, lower stress levels, how much have you been drinking? And bottom line, please don’t pick your partner based on height. That’s it. So just to recap, you said on the whole, height doesn’t have any impact. Oh my God. You’ve been holding that one. I’ve been waiting for like two minutes just to say that on the whole, and that one’s going to make the Tweets. Okay, enough about do you have a height preference for partners? No, I don’t. I think it would be weird for me if I was dating somebody who was a foot taller or shorter than me. Okay. I don’t know why. I think that taller would be 71. There’s not that many 71 people out there. I’m not much bigger than five one. Yeah. No, that’s true. I think it’s the idea for me of, like, looking up at the partner that I’m going to kiss. Do you think that has to do with gender, though, like, your idea? Yes, I definitely think it does. So you haven’t dated a woman who’s taller than you? No, I haven’t. And that’s really because you’re pretty tall. So there aren’t that many women who are taller than you. No, I think the tallest woman that I dated was about five nine or 510. Okay. But when they put on heels, they could be taller than you. Yeah, that’s true. But I was in university, so we didn’t wear heels because we didn’t go anywhere. Fancy.

Participant #1:
Getting fancy with Burger King. Listen, I heard you’re the guy who used to order, like, five Big Macs when they were on special. I did. And now my current business partner in real estate orders five Big Macs when he’s hungry. Okay, so I’ve never even seen you eat McDonald’s. And apparently old Brandon. Brandon? I guess young Brandon, but old Brandon to me, whom I never met, would eat five Big Macs at a time. I want that Brandon to come out. I’m going to throw this back in my day, I could get for real, like, a Big Mac combo for 399, which is almost unheard of. Yeah. But how about this? The coupons from McDonald’s? No, they’re way better now. For real. Do you remember when we were kids, you had to wait, I think once or twice a year they mailed them to you. No, man, I grew up in Brampton. Maybe it was a Brampton thing or something, but there was some ridiculous coupons going on. They had two for one Big Macs, but not all the time. No, it was like and that’s when I ate, like, four Big Macs in a row. Now, if you have the app, like, fries are free and stuff like that. Yes. The raptors score a certain amount of points. For real. Okay. This fast food talk is not leading into where we’re trying to go anyhow. One day, I want to see Brandon eat a Big Mac. If I ever do, I will film it. I also wanted to just mention a big regret I have from yesterday. A bird shot all over Brandon. Like, all over him. And he was carrying two long pieces of glass that go on top of our chested door. So he had gone to pick them up at Ikea, and we were walking home, like, a couple of miles. Yes. I like that I’m made fun of for getting crapped on while I’m carrying this furniture piece that has to come home, like, miles on it, and it crops right on my shoulder. I was actually really happy, and I land on my face. I was dying laughing but and then I went to a nearby restaurant and got some napkins to wipe it off and then I kicked myself because I didn’t film at first because he was having a breakdown over this. Oh yeah, I couldn’t do anything and you were laughing at me. He had no hands full on laughing at me and I’m sitting here, I’m like come on man, I got crapped on. And you’re sitting there laughing and pointing and I’m like could you help me out? My hands are full. I could drop the glass. It’s a metaphor for our relationship with the glass made at home. Okay, yeah. And your hands were tied. Okay. Well, now that I’ve given you that visual, we’re going to shift to some much nicer visuals and talk about orgasms. Because last week we were talking about your different questions around orgasm. And sometimes I receive these really broad questions, including this one, which is what are the different types of orgasms and what are the difference between each of them and how do I have them? Well big question. Don’t even know if I can get through all of that today. But it’s interesting when we talk about types of orgasms, right? So we’ve got vaginal clotoral, cervical, breast, prostate, Gspot, fantasy orgasms and this isn’t even close to an exhaustive list and I think what’s really important for us to begin with is that no I guess orgasmic classification is perfectly defined nor is it mutually exclusive.

So it’s not like a genus and a species and a kingdom because we’ve got this complex arrangement of nerves and muscles and our minds that all play a role in orgasms. So it’s not possible to definitively categorize orgasms into this kind of really defined taxonomical system because there’s almost always overlap. So for example if you have an orgasm during penetration there’s something inside your vagina but maybe you’re squeezing your legs together and you’re also rubbing the external head of the clitoris. How do we decide? Is that a combo orgasm? Is that a vaginal orgasm? Is that a clitoral orgasm? And I think the big question is does it matter? And I don’t think it actually matters. I don’t think it matters what type of orgasm you’re having. But I do think that experimenting with kind of a range of approaches to orgasm can create various sensations and heightened pleasure in different areas of not only the pelvic region but across the entire body. And because different parts of the pelvic region communicate with the brain via different nerve pathways I do think we can experience different kinds. Now I’ve heard experts say that all orgasms are clitorial in nature for people who have a clitoris. I don’t think I would agree with that just because I know people who have breast orgasms. I know people who have orgasms from the small of their back. I know people who have orgasms from their belly buttons and I wouldn’t argue that those are clitoral. Again, I don’t think it matters what we call them. And I also don’t pretend to have all the answers right, because there was just a study that came out, you may have seen it presented maybe just a few weeks ago in Miami by the queer surgeon, Dr. Peters, and they were doing research on the clitoris for gender affirming surgery. And they did the very first examination of the dorsal nerve of the clitoris and found that it has over 100 nerve endings. And so many of us have been talking about the fact that the clitoris has over 80 nerve endings for many, many years. And the source of that study apparently was from the 70s in bovine studies. So studies of cows. And this is literally what I was taught in school. So we all kind of make mistakes and keep learning. So today I’m saying that not all orgasms are clitoral in nature. And I don’t know, maybe in 510 years somebody will prove me wrong. But that is my view. And I don’t pretend to be the arbiter of truth when it comes to types of orgasms. I’m just glad that they’ve moved on from bovine studies, right? We’re cutting up cow clits. More importantly, nobody over the last 40 or 50 years have thought to extend or expand their research into this. Well, that’s so interesting because there are and somebody else had commented, I don’t want to steal their language, but there are so many fellowships and there are so many postdocs and there is so much money dedicated to erectile functioning in the penis and claws get erections too. And we’re not performing the same study.

So I was just writing an article for Astroglide’s blog on sex predictions for 2023. And one of my hopeful predictions is that we will see more research on the clitoris. But Dr. Peters and their team really emphasized that this research would not be possible without gender affirming studies. So this research that’s going to benefit so many CIS folks, CIS women with clitoris is actually comes from trans research. And on their Instagram, you can go follow them. The queer surgeon on Instagram, they talked about the fact that when we stick together, we are just so much better. And when one person is lifted up, so many other people are lifted up. So I digressed a little. So the clitoris so I would say clitoral orgasms are probably the most common, the one that we most talk about for many people. But as I’ve mentioned before, there are people who don’t even like clitoral orgasms. So you do, you know, your body in terms of the innervation, the clitoris is believed to communicate with the brain via the pudandal nerve. And because the clitoris can be stimulated both internally and externally, it is possible that the clitoris plays a role in all sorts of orgasms. So even if we call an orgasm vaginal, who’s to say we’re not also stimulating the inner bulbs of the cltoris or the inner legs of the cltoris or the inner shaft of the clitoris, or in a corollary way, stimulating the external part of the clitoris. So I think I’ve driven that point home hard enough, but I just don’t want to gloss over it or let it be a throwaway. So cletoral orgasms, ways to have them. So you might use a vibrator. You might grind your pubic mound against your partner’s pubic mound. During intercourse, you might reach down and use your hand. You might pulse your finger, a toy, or a tongue around the head of the clit. You might wrap your hands around the entire vulva so that’s everything on the outside. And rub and pulse and grind. I call that one the pussy pocket. You might wear a vibrating toy. So basically, anything that rubs, grinds, vibes, sucks, twist, flicks, all of that jazz around the head of the clitoris or around the entire vulva. So if you’re going down on your partner, for example, and you want to promote a clitoral orgasm, this doesn’t mean you just need to suck on the head of the clit or focus only on the head of the clit. If you press your entire face against their entire vulva, what you’re getting are the internal erectile tissue of the bulbs and the legs of the clit. So while you’re down there, get your face in there in the end, like this partner needs something to grind against, and that something is your face. So that can lead to quitoral orgasms. And I actually should plug the fact that I’ve got the mind blowing oral video course all about clitoral and podcast listeners save 25% with code podcasts. So if you really want to get into it, so to speak, check it out. Oh, my gosh. What an incredible deal. Thanks, Charles. Okay, so those are clitoral orgasms, and they tend to focus on the outside, but they don’t have to. And then we can move on to a second type of orgasm, vaginal orgasms. And of course, they come in multiple forms because when it comes to the vagina, you could be stimulating the cervix at the back, the G spot at the top, the inner clotoral legs, the A spot at the back. And so it is really, again, difficult to discern what type of orgasm is produced by vaginal penetration, and it doesn’t matter. But here are some ways to play with vaginal orgasms. So you might consider focusing on the outer third of the vagina, which tends to be more sexually responsive. So I know some of you, of course, by accident have seen porn. And in porn, all they do is shove things as deep as you possibly can and press on the clitoral head like it’s an elevator button or a doorbell. But for many of us with vaginas, we prefer a little bit more pressure and girth on the outer third of the vagina. So that might be a thicker toy, a shorter toy, a shorter Venus. Your thumbs, you can take two fingers and cross them like you’re telling a lie and gently glide them inside and twist that one’s crossed called the cross my fingers. You could curl your tongue inside the vaginal canal as you press your lips all around their labia. That can feel really good. Like you open your mouth wide and then you roll your tongue around the perimeter of your mouth while you suck. Again, these are techniques that I go over in the mind blowing oral course you can check out as well. You can combine penetration with external stimulation of the clit using your hands. You can cross your fingers. You can put something inside while you, like I said, grind on the outside. For many people, and I don’t have data on this, I just hear about this from many people with vaginas.

They’re more likely to have orgasms during vaginal penetration with a penis when they’re on top because it allows them to control the depth of penetration, the speed, the rhythm, the pressure. And many of them will also be able to kind of grind whether it’s against their perpetrator’s pubic bone or against their legs or just against their stomach. And that can feel really good as well. And of course, there are so many different toys for vaginal orgasms and of course we I want to recommend that you do go check out or in Canada you can just go to LoveShop CA, but let’s keep it simple. And you can see some of the thicker vibrating toys. They have some thrusting toys, they have some warming toys. They have toys that you can play both internally and externally and that’s probably going to be good for vaginal orgasms. Now within the vagina, you are able to access the GZone. So the Gspot or the GZone is not actually in the vagina, but you can’t access through the bladder. So you’re going to access through the vagina and Gspot. Orgasms, of course, are going to overlap with other types of orgasms, but we do have some research suggesting that they can be more distinct in terms of the sensation and the physical response and the nerve activation. And I think what it boils down to is that we believe that this region, so just inside the vaginal canal, not deep at all, and you curl your fingers up toward the tummy wall. This region we believe, relays information to the brain via the vagus nerve. And what’s interesting about the vagus nerve is that it’s bypassing the spinal cord and actually wandering throughout the body. And so the theory is that when you play with the GZone or the Gspot and I say I use those words interchangeably, but I don’t love the word spot because it’s not like an exact spot. It’s a series of nerve endings and tissues. You’re going to feel a more fullbodied sensation, theoretically because of the deep innervations of the vagus nerve. It’s interesting too, because people will also see that G zone orgasms feel less like tensing up and more like bearing down. And I’ve talked about this many times before. We have, I think, several episodes where we can go learn all about Gspot orgasms. They’re also associated with squirting because of that pressure along the urethral, sponge, sponge and the bladder. And in old medical textbooks, this GZone area was actually labeled the female prostate. So some interesting stuff there, how to have a Gspot orgasm. So I’ve said this over and over again around the Gspot. Wait until you’re highly aroused before you start putting pressure on it. Like if you just reach in right now and say, oh, look, I learned how to find your Gspot, honey, you’re probably going to get a kick in the face because they’re not aroused. So for many people, and again, you got to kind of figure out what works for your body, what works for your partner’s body. But for many people, pressure and pleasure on the Gspot kind of is no good early on in the sexual arousal process. So if you just reach in at the beginning, it can feel painful, it can feel uncomfortable, it can feel like they’re going to pee. Whereas as they get more and more aroused and the inhibitions are lessened and the oxytocin and the adrenaline, the Norepinephrines love their body, then the Gspot starts to swell because blood is engorging the area and then they’re probably going to feel it a little bit in a more of a pleasurable way. So how slide a couple of fingers in and just pulse against that upper wall toward the tummy. You’ll probably feel that the Gspot I don’t know. Can you describe what the G spot feels like? I always thought the Gspot felt like almost herringbone in terms of its texture or its feeling. The realtor speaks herringbone. Do people know what herringbone is? You know, it’s a diagonal sort of pattern or interlocking. I have thought about this before. I don’t know how to describe it, but it felt because it doesn’t to me, doesn’t feel spongy as it does so much almost textured in a perfect V. Herringbone in a perfect V. But actually only my spot. Other people have what are some other real estate parquet parquet. What do you call it when just the tiles are aligned? Subway tiles. Subway tile. Yes. Basically it’s some sort of tile arrangement. Oh, that’s interesting that it feels herringbone. Yes, very fancy. I’m a big herringbone fan and that’s actually why I had my upper vaginal wall designed. In that respect, I like it. But it feels a little bit more textured to you. Yeah, it definitely feels a bit more textured. But interesting to hear you describe it because it’s not the sort of thing that you go to right away. It’s something working up. And once you’re into your partner’s into it, then I think I’ve noticed. I’ve felt it more. I also think that’s why so many people get turned off of Gspot Play, because, again, in the absence of comprehensive sex education that accurately depicts pleasure, people turn to porn. And in porn, it’s like as soon as they get in there with their fingers, they’re trying to scoop it out in this come hither motion. Right? And for any of us with vaginas, we’re sitting here cringing right now because in an UN aroused state, that feels like someone’s trying to get your cells, not like somebody is trying to cringe.

I’m thinking about the way you just described that, and somebody going in like that must not be very arousing, right? But once you’re really turned on, those things start to feel good. And we’ve talked about this before, even that pressure to have to go pee, a lot of people will not enjoy Gspot Play and won’t enjoy Gspot orgasms and squirter orgasms because they’re so afraid of peeing. But the more aroused you are, the less you worry about those things, right? Is it possible that some urine could escape? Absolutely. Same thing from the penis, by the way. Okay. Valves are not always perfect, but the fluid that comes out is considered similar to prostatic fluid, minus the semen, minus the spermide. I think we’ve talked about this recently. So as you become more aroused, the inhibitions just drop and things start to feel better. So to go back to some of the techniques, you can pulse a couple of fingers against that herringbone area. You can slide two fingers back and forth over the area like little mini windshield wipers. You can curl them up in a gentle come hither motion and then slowly build with the pressure and the speed as their arousal continues to heighten. And then finally, some people will enjoy it. If while you’re putting pressure against the GZone internally, you also press down on their lower abdominal area over the bladder to sort of squeeze the GZone from the inside out. So you’re putting pressure on the vaginal upper wall as well as on the bladder, and you’re squeezing the erythro sponge between those two areas. Is that going to make you feel like you have to pee? Perhaps. So some people will feel a lot better if they empty their bladder first. But here’s the thing, and I’m sure I’ve talked about this many times as well. Some people will actually tell me they prefer to keep their bladder full because it creates more of that intense sensation. Plus they’re feeling less selfconscious. And as I said, you do not have to do a sniff test after there’s any sort of ejaculate coming out. And if your partner is doing a sniff test, then they’re into it, so you don’t even have to worry about it. So Gspot orgasms would be number three, and I guess we could make it three A as. Well because they can lead to squirter orgasms. Now, I also want to talk about cervical orgasms because I’ve been getting a whole bunch of questions. There has been some sort of cultural phenomenon where in cervical orgasms have been touted as the ultimate sexual experience associated with sure fire sexual ecstasy. And this is nonsense because it might be some people’s experience, but there is no more mature orgasm. Like, I was reading this thing that if you can have a cervical orgasm, you’re on a whole other level. Honestly, this reeks of Freud’s really damaging and erroneous model of mature versus immature orgasms and I think it adds undue pressure to sex, which really prioritizes performance and checking boxes over experience. So I want to say, yes, please go ahead and experiment with cervical orgasms and pleasure, but you don’t get extra points for having one. And so the cervix obviously is at the very back. It’s the neck of the uterus and it’s believed to read messages to the brain via the hypogastric nerve. And many people report that just like the g zone, direct stimulation is only pleasurable once they’re at like a nine out of ten in terms of arousal because the palliative chemicals have flooded the body. And if this is the case, what I would do is suggest that kind of outer third penetration to begin with, maybe move on to the g spot and leave the cervical pressure to last. How are you going to reach the cervix?

Well, it depends on your, I think, the tilt of your cervix, the length of your vaginal canal and the length of the object that you’re inserting. So some fingers and some cervixes will be easy to reach with a finger and others it will be totally out of reach. It doesn’t even necessarily mean that you have a longer vagina or a shorter finger. It may simply have to do with the tilt of the cervix. And so a toy, a longer toy can feel good for this. A penis can feel good for this. A lot of people will tell you that they do not like having their cervix played with. So please, please put all of these approaches to pleasure. I know I’m calling them orgasm, but let’s really just focus on pleasure. Focus on what feels good in your bodies. As opposed to, oh no, no, this is supposed to feel good for you, or this is supposed to be ecstatic. I hear from so many people who do not enjoy any sort of pressure against their cervix. So figure out what you like in your body. Figure out if it changes from day to day. Like, I can absolutely say that what feels good on day one of my cycle is totally different than what feels good on day 15 of my cycle. And get to know your body so you can communicate it to a partner as well. Okay. Do you know what the cervix feels like? Yeah, I do know what it feels like. What does it feel like? Kind of like the tip of your nose. Oh, so you listened to my lectures then? I have listened to the tip. And you have no design do you have no design analogy here? No, I don’t. But that’s actually true. It does sort of feel like the tip of your nose and if you’re lucky you can go in and feel it just to become familiar with it. But I shouldn’t say if you’re lucky. Listen, if you can’t, you can’t too. Like no big deal. Depending on, again, angles, length, flexibility, all that jazz. Okay, so we’ve been through four or five orgasms related to folks with vaginas. Then we move on to prostate orgasms. And again, you’ve probably heard that the prostate is inside your butt, but it’s actually your butt’s friendly neighborhood located next to your rectum. But you can stimulate the prostate through the butt. You can also potentially get some pressure against the prostate through the perineum. But the sling of muscles over top is really thick. So you’re going to need to use a considerable amount of pressure or strong vibrations and it’s not as going to be direct. The most common way to stimulate the prostate is internally. And just like any other orphans you want to get, again, you’re going to want to get aroused and riled up first. You’re not just like rolling over in the morning and sticking one up there. And we know that internal stimulation or milking is more likely to produce prostate orgasms. And you can again experiment with a range of techniques. Definitely recommend you go back and listen to some of our episodes on prostate play. In fact, we’re going to have a new one coming up. But some simple approaches involve curling a finger or two up toward the stomach in a very gentle come hither motion or just pressing it there. Some people like to pulse two fingers against the prostate gland in rhythm with stroking the penis. Some people like to use a lubed up anal toy. And again with an anal toy you want to make sure that you have a flare base so that it’s not going to get sucked in all up there. I received a question from somebody the other day saying that they’ve been experimenting with prostate play and they’re super excited by it and really enjoying it, but they are unable to go all the way in terms of orgasm and they’re looking for tips for going all the way. So this is something that I’ve run into many a time and what I would recommend is higher arousal before you even get to the prostate.

Generally speaking, just fantasizing and getting in the mood for some sort of heightened experience and then I would say more prolonged pressure. I think oftentimes with other parts of the body we do a lot of kind of teasing and pleasing and changes in pressure and changes in rhythm. And a lot of people will say that for the prostate, they need more sustained pressure in there, as opposed to just like, pulsing release and pulsing release and pulsing release as they get to orgasms. So I think with, like, for example, with the penis with the clit there’s a lot of, like, stroking, pulse and release changing of rhythm. Whereas with the prostate, for some people, they need more of a sustained pressure in there that can be sustained either through a finger or through a toy or through a deeper, more rumbly prostate vibe. And if folks have any tips on prostate orgasms, I welcome you to send them in. And we can share those next week as well, because the hive mind is much better than my little tiny mind right here. And Brandon, you had talked about wanting to experiment more with prostate play. Yeah, I’m interested in exploring more prostate play. I think I’m a little intimidated by some of these toys because when you look at them, you’re like, how am I going to get that in the butt? Because, as you said, you need to be aroused. I’ve definitely played with the gooch and the butthole, but the idea of getting something in there and I look at those toys and I think to myself, man, that’s a big toy. I’d like to put that in there. But I don’t know, you know. Have you really spent enough time working at your butt? No, I have not. Stick it in there. Well, I mean, the experience that I’ve had has been on my own for the most part. Most of the time when we’re having sex, I’m too into what we’re doing to be like, I also want to do this right now, so it’s on me for not maybe setting aside the time or making it a priority while we’re having sex. I’m like, I’m really enjoying what we’re doing, so I don’t want to stop and do this, but when I’ve been on my own, I’ve tried different, just playing around, seeing what feels good. Yes. I think I need to get back on that. When we used to try and play, you really didn’t want me to go near your butt. No, at first. And then I have expanded my repertoire of willingness. Yeah, you seem to have really opened your mind only, and I don’t mean that you were closed minded, but my whole thing is, if you’re not into something, you don’t have to be into it. I’m not going to make you try everything we’ve already like. I don’t want to say we’re forced to try so many things. We tried a lot of things. We tried a lot of things. So I never want to pressure you, but I’m kind of glad that you’re going back down that rabbit hole of a journey. Going down that hole, you can use as many love it, but with the prostate and with the butt, it also is about getting to know your anatomy. So when you look at a toy and it looks too big because I’ve got lots of little toys as well for you to play with, I think it has to do with getting comfortable with your anatomy. And we have a previous episode on analplay, a very popular one, but I highly recommend you go back to it. Maybe we should redo one on analplay. But it is about getting to know the sphincters in your body. So you’ve got these kind of ringlike muscles in the butt and you’ve got an internal one and an external one, and the external one is controlled by your central nervous system, which means you can rest and release it. Are you doing it? I am now doing the same. Where the internal one is controlled by your central nervous system, which controls, for example, your blood pressure and your heart rate. And so you don’t have full control over that one, but you can learn to relax it.

You can learn to using your breath, using visualization, using arousal, using different relaxation techniques, have a little bit more of an influence on how those muscles contract and release and relax. And so in the anal episode, we talk a lot or I talk I think it was just me on my own about being in the shower, getting aroused and just pressing on the pucker and just learning to kind of oh, I’ve done that. Right, but have you done a lot of it? Because it’s not like a one or two or three time thing. No, I’ve done it more than that. And it feels good. It feels good also, even during sex, it’s like playing with a toy and it’s not something that you necessarily have to highlight or identify. This is what I’m doing now. But it’s like you can take a toy and press it against your pucker like a Cockering or something vibrating, like you don’t have you know what I mean? And see, how do you like that? Does that feel right? Does it feel real? Right? So, yeah, I just kind of want to go back to that piece that if you’re going to play with prostate orgasms, you really have to get to know the butt and we didn’t make it to anal orgasms. We didn’t make it to penis orgasms, but they’re always there. We didn’t make it to nipple orgasms, fantasy orgasms, full body orgasms, blended orgasms. And I think we’re going to need to leave that for next week. I thought we were going to be able to get it all in, but Chatty MC chats a lot here. Just start to put my butt and I get labeled Chatty MCATs a lot. You’re like the Oprah Winfrey myself. Oh, okay. I would never call you Chatty McDonald’s. What I was saying is with all these types of orgasms, you’re like the Oprah Winfrey of orgasms. You get an orgasm and you get an orgasm and you get an orgasm, give them out for free. All right, so we have five or six more orgasm types at least, to COVID next week, so come back for those, please. Please feel free to send in your tips on orgasms. Oh, and I have to say thank you for the folks who are writing the reviews. Really appreciate them. I think I’ve said this before that when you’re sitting here in the podcast studio, and I know you’re not supposed to break the third wall, so to speak, but I really don’t care. And you’re sitting here talking into a mic, and I’m sort of looking at Brandon, but we’re mostly just talking to ourselves. You don’t know how people are feeling or reacting. And obviously, we’re trying to offer good content and support. So your positive feedback is much appreciated from both a personal perspective and, of course, from the brand perspective. It certainly helps as well. So thank you so much for those of you who have been going and writing writing reviews. Yeah, those are great and really appreciate them. I think all the comments that I’ve read are wonderful, and you all are right. Well, not all of them, 99% of them, but you all are right. Jess is a rockstarc. We really appreciate the kind words. Yeah, and another thing, folks, I’m still getting lots of emails about sex spreadsheet, and I’ve put it online. I put it in a Google Doc. I can’t make it editable, though, because if I allow you to edit it, then you’ll put your stuff in and they’ll kind of ruin it for other people. So you need to download it or copy and paste it into your own document to use it. So just a quick housekeeping note there, because I’m still getting every day, like, a dozen emails about the sex spreadsheet. Maybe people want everyone to know what they’re saying. Jokes on you.

Y’all can start your own shared document, then. A special group for sex with Dr. Jess listeners to share all of their desires. Not in the business of matchmaking, but, hey, if it works out and I match somebody who wants, I don’t know, the underwater fish, sexy thing with that’s always been the kick that I go to. The people who get off on the little fish biting their feet. Okay, I didn’t know where you were going there because I’ve always wanted to do that, but I’m a little afraid to because this is going to be because this is no joke. When somebody drops a pen cap on Jess’s feet, she reacts with very sensitive feet pain. That’s not my fear, because it’s not the bottom of my feet that are sensitive. My fear is that the little fish have just bit someone else’s foot and they’re still going to have the other person’s little skin inside their teeth, and then it’s going to get on my foot, but they’re biting the skin off your feet. Another podcast. I got all of our podcasts. We need to get a therapist to help me with that one. All right. We’re going to stop there. Coming back next week with a whole bunch of other orgasm types. Tell me what you want to hear. Tell me what I’m missing. Please. Please, go ahead. Send in your tips. And a big thanks once again to Love Shop for their support of this podcast. Please, please check them out. Dr. Jess. And you can save on your shopping needs with code. Dr. Jess. In time for the holidays. Again, my favorites in the bunch, there’s a big box, but I really, really liked. I think if I had to pick one, it’s the pionee because I like the little nubbins. And I swear you could also use it on your face to exfoliate, but that’s a whole other conversation. LoveShop Drjasfolk. Thank you for being here. Wherever you’re at, have a great one. You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Improve your sex life. Improve your life.