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Sex with Dr. Jess


May 25, 2021

Tips For Successful Online Dating

Have you ever wondered how you could improve your presence in the online dating scene? Have you thought about what does and doesn’t work? Jess joins Carolyn and Jeff on Global TV’s The Morning Show as she gives us better online dating tips. Check out her notes and the video interview below.

1. How should you approach your opening line?

We put that out to our social media community and here are the results:

  1. Use their name. Not baby, cutie, honey, sweetie, etc.
  2. Demonstrate that you’ve actually read their profile, so start the conversation with something from their bio.
  3. Normal conversation like “How’s your week going?”. No gimmicks.
  4. Joke around. e.g. Pick one: Compliment. Dad Joke. I Roast You.

2. What should you avoid?

  • Do not copy and paste as though you’re shooting fish in a barrel, because you’re not. This is the wide ocean of online dating.
  • Don’t start with sexual come-ons or assume that you’re entitled to their time.
  • Don’t play games and don’t nag.

3. What about if you’re asking them out on social media?

The expectations for initial interactions are often higher on social, because they’re not dating sites. Many of us are on social to socialize — not to date or hookup, so you have to respect that. Consent is of paramount importance at every stage in the dating cycle — even if it’s solely digital.

markus-winkler-qBw6Gy5zpVM-unsplashStart by getting to know them a little without overwhelming them. For example, you can like their photos or chime in respectfully on their live broadcasts. You can comment on their posts if you have something meaningful to say, but don’t bombard a stranger.

For example. If they say they’re into hiking and they’ve posted a few mountaintop pics, ask them about this specific interest.

Hey! Love your hiking pics. Is that Valley of Fire? I’ve always wanted to visit. Anyhow, let me know if you’re up for chatting today?

That last part leaves it open for them to consent. Rather than assuming that you’re entitled to their time, ask if they’re in the mood. If they say they’re busy, ask if they want to continue the conversation and if they don’t, move along.

You might also want to let them know what attracted you to their profile — beyond their profile pic.

Hey! Love your pic and I love that you’re into electronic music too. Happy to  chat if you’re interested? 

4. How do you eventually move past small talk?

priscilla-du-preez-BjhUu6BpUZA-unsplashDating apps are making this easier than ever before by integrating quiz games and events directly into their platforms.

Another option is to join a digital event together. You have so many options and it will give you something to talk about after. So, for example, you might attend an online concert, play, art show or sporting event together and then plan to hang out online once it’s over. This can reduce the pressure of a prolonged video chat that requires ongoing attention and eye contact.

5. What if you’re dating online and you’re never getting a response.

That can be tough and it’s hard not to take it personally. But some data suggests that a quarter of dating app users are just there to browse, so it may not be about you.

Having said that, I’d also ask yourself if you’re looking to connect or simply looking for validation through a higher volume of responses.

If you really do want to connect, you might consider trying a different app for a while and I also collected some advice from online daters who say they’ve found success with the following opening lines:

  • Pleasure to connect with you here! How’s your week going? What are you most looking forward to this week? (Polite and straightforward.)
  • Your profile says you’re a foodie! If we were to go out, what would you want to eat? (Shows it’s not a copy and paste)
  • I’m newer to this, but thought I’d reach out to see if you want to chat even for a minute. (Low pressure. Shows vulnerability.)
  • Send an emoji message they have to decode: Eyeball. Heart. Food. The number 2.