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Sex with Dr. Jess


August 14, 2020

WAP: Wet AP & How To Be Your Best Sexual Self

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Sexologist Shamyra is back and she’s here to share her knowledge and thoughts on Cardi B’s WAP and so much more including:

  • Mysogynoir
  • Pick Me culture
  • What “Big D” really means
  • What we can learn from song lyrics
  • How music videos can motivate (or empower) us to be better & live better
  • Lube-shaming
  • Small penises
  • Sexual double standards
  • The orgasm gap
  • Sexuality & race
  • Sex work as real work!

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Check out the WAP music video below…

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

WAP: Wet AP & How To Be Your Best Sexual Self

00:00:05 – 00:05:28

You’re listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey Hey. This is just so Riley your friendly neighborhood sexologist here with another friendly neighborhood sexologist all the way from Baton Rouge Louisiana sexologist Shemaya, how you doing today power you good I’m a I’m following along with your adventures. You’ve been online on I g talking about all the hottest topics including the I. Don’t know if we should say rap or WABC by the wet ask Pussy video and song by our Cardi B. Featuring Meghan the stallion and I see that you. You just put a video on your instagram and it’s gaining a lot of traction. Let people know where to find you on instagram first and foremost because they should be following along. Yes. I’m on Instagram at sexologists shown Myra. Yeah. We’re gonNA link to that. Now before we dive into this conversation, I wanNA, give a quick shout out to our sponsor. Let’s get checked to dot com. So let’s get checked offers at home health tests ranging from thyroid to iron to CEAC test lime disease tests, of course, ovarian reserve tests for tippety tests, and all that jazz they send you the test you send them a sample and you get your results confidentially on line. Are you familiar with them Chamara? I’m not I am not I was thinking that it would be good for people who are maybe a little bit more remote you know to test for anything like from from Cortisol, to all the various sexual health tests. So that’s, let’s get checked dot com. If you go there folks please use code Dr Gesture to save a few dollars and let them know that you heard about it here. So Chamara, let’s let’s talk. Cardi. B.’s or you Cardi B. Fan. So I think everyone face. So when she came when she first I’ll tell you what my husband. Really Loves Cardi B. Like he loves Cardi B.’s music. So she first came out I really enjoyed her her debut album. And in terms of this W. A. P. Video. So folks if you haven’t heard the song, we’ll play a little clip for you. But. Also, if you haven’t seen the video, you have to go watch the video. Now there’s a censored version and an uncensored version definitely watch the uncensored version. So, what do you think about the video the lyrics all all the fun stuff. Oh I think so much about it, I right so I. Listen to it about seventy two times. Just to make sure it was actually when I was hearing. So I actually heard the lyrics in saw the video at the same time. So of course, I was scrolling on Instagram and I saw that Cardi B. posted graphic with she and Megan the stallion who’s also on the song they had like an up to hairstyle that we used to wear the nineties. And I posted a picture of mine on facebook. We used to wear this hairstyle in the nineties and it’s w AP, and so she said I have something Bam going to share with everyone. So she was like building the buzz around it, and so I was trying to figure out what the acronym because I know the movie that came out which the hairstyles and clothing was inspired. It looks like from the movie baps, which is Black American princesses. So I was like, what is she doing and I was trying to figure out the W I was like American princesses I did not think it was going to stand for s pussy. When I saw I, was I all my God and so I’m like Oh. Okay. Oh. Yes. Oh doubt those are my reactions as I was listening to the song, and then of course, the next day I’m on social media and I’m scrolling and everyone has a think piece on why the phone should be played in why they’re promoting whore ISM and all kind. Of slutty ISM and all the slut shaming you could find was right on my social media fees from other people were sharing those thoughts and I actually thought the song was perfect for the climate where in as it relates to women sexuality as released two women owning their own sexual pleasure and reclaiming their sexual pleasure. I think he’s right on task for that. and. So what about the criticisms that you know its object defying women? Can we really be objectified if we’re doing it to ourselves? Do we have to assume you know begin from this premise that sexualization or objectification is inherently bad some of US enjoy the objectification at times does it mean we want to walk through life only as an object? Not necessarily but you know if we’re if we’re being forced into being sexualize against our will or if sexualization is our only option or if it’s mandatory, I can see the problem there.

00:05:28 – 00:10:01

But if you want to be sexualize and I, mean just watching this video, they look like they’re having fun. Exactly and that’s my main thing laid look like they’re having fun and you said something that was still super important if we’re doing it, can we really be objectified in that is woods so powerful to me in itself in a world especially in a culture where women’s actuality is supposed to be hush hush in only Balladur by men especially the men who want to have sex with them. It’s very liberating to here to see women’s Nope. I’m doing it on my own. This is what I want, and this is what I like in. It’s also an as I look at these responses I’m like we’re still in a place where we’re shaming women. For owning in talking about sex in its twenty twenty right and I think the flipping of switch switches or scripts here from women saying this is what I want. I want to do it this way, and this is how I want you to do it to me because she gets pretty explicit. You know. And I saw me my saw me on facebook that says and all sensor it slightly but men have been so conditioned to have to co Erse and manipulate sex out of women. When we start coming with a thousand percent consent, they start rebelling and I think that reflects how salty men have been. You know there’s so many means going around there was another one you know being critical that you know it’s this guy on twitter says, you know what that w. a. p. Got Cardi and meg it got them cheated on and shot and so yeah, you saw that one. So why are these men? So salty you know why? Because they? You know they they want to be able to keep women in a state of sexual repression and I’m not saying at they wake up every day many of them do. But I’m not saying they wake up every day like you know what I’m GonNa find a way to sexually repressed woman today but it’s the hey, you know it’s the behavior. It’s the language that we use. It’s the behavior. It’s the message I want a woman who is a freaking bed. But she. was like Okay Oh lord. You know it’s like I want she gotta be a virgin and she can’t talk back and she needs to be very domesticated in no she can’t be a sexual, but I need her to know how to do everything I want her to do sexually until the messages there are unclear they’re rooted in patriarchal contracts is lots of massage nor it’s just a mess just it’s a mess and you’re right the lyrics really save us from a lot of the myths right in our you know we can get into there are three things that I really like what was said I wanNA talk to people about sexual pleasure. It’s all about being able to say this is what I like. This is what I want. This is what’s enjoyable to me in the fact that these women were doing it in his song says a lot to me about. US being able to own our sexuality publicly but also where we’re going with this. Right and you know. This is really just about pleasure. She literally is saying this is what I want and that is scary for people and I think it’s first of all. I. Want to go back to a term. You just used missold misogyny. Dr Because that’s something that may be folks aren’t familiar with people have heard of Misogyny misogyny but we can’t not talk about race because this these are women of Color Black Women. Owning, their sexuality at this specific time. Putting it on display putting on blast. So can you just talk a little bit about what you mean when you say Misogyny Warr? Yes. So basically, massage is I have very, very hard time with that word. Saying it. Yes. I not say the word. So basically, just misogyny that’s directed towards black women. At the intersection of race gender right so. Think hard name was Moya. She coined this tone, Moya, Bailey and. It’s basically what you see in in the blogs and it’s basically grounded in sexuality images shows how Women. Especially, black women are socialized based on race gender class in sexual orientation but also how oppression shows up in these different spaces and it’s a way to basically keep black women in line.

00:10:01 – 00:15:01

Right I think that specifically interesting in this music genre where there have been men for decades and longer singing with lyrics that are object defying that are sexualizing. That are miss. You know full of Misogyny by Misogyny and I wonder, do they get the same back Lashley? Certainly don’t get the headlines that Cardi has elicited over the last week or so well, that’s the argument. Right so this what Cardi and Meghan are doing and isn’t Has Not is not something that hasn’t been done before they’re not the first people to especially women and especially black women to get up there and talk about sex in a very explicit like we have people in the nineteen twenties I. Share the clip from Lucille Bogan Song where she was talking about very explicit sex. On the song or in the song right and then we have. My rainy Biz we have so many people who talked about sex, but they’re women when we talk about these men who have been making money off women’s sexuality for years. It’s been. Talk About Violence Against Women they talk about house. Bay have sex with women and as long as they’re making money doing it it’s fine but. Let a black woman make a song about owning her own sexuality in calling her own sexual shots in now we’re all going to hell where all hope, right? Right and she says I don’t Cook I don’t clean but let me tell you. I. Got this. I saw. Whenever she I don’t Cook I don’t clean. Let me tell you got this ring. Is They Pick me died in. So if you don’t know what a pick me is, basically is a term that’s given to people who and of course, pygmies are victims of Patriarchy to because basically. It’s a term given to people who try to make themselves appear pickle to make themselves appear like they’re doing everything. So that are chosen by a man. So everything that is most likely based on like a gender Constructor Gender Role, I cook. I clean. I’m very domesticated. I listen I’m not allowed those things that women are told to do pick me make sure that people know that they do that. So she say I don’t Cook I don’t clean pick me died. I, I’ve seen that means going around to I. Think this may be the most memorable song of the year so far. Now, you talked about empowerment a word that you know gets tossed around but I tell you when I watched this video. I. Don’t know that I felt empowered, but I felt inspired us like man I should do more of this stuff. You know have been in my marriage a long time and I get lazy or get greedy I’ve talked about that on the podcast before but I definitely felt motivated by it like it made me feel a tingle. Yeah. The video was hot. Obviously they’re hot. It’s very, very sexy but I felt like, yeah man like I should get up and do this. It’s sort of like a pinterest board. You know when somebody sees really pretty lay out for a kid’s birthday party and they’re like, I can do that. Too. That’s how this song made me feel about getting Raunchy in the bedroom. So that’s my experience with empowerment overall overall. How do you see the song as potentially empowering? So I I’ve been hearing people say that it’s empowering I. Think what you say motivated very that resonated with me a lot especially when Meghan was talking about like switching up her wig making making thank he’s cheating I was like, okay. Yeah. Come role play but I really enjoyed that right and so I think for a lot of people. The term empowering is being used in maybe that’s not. The term I would like to change empowerment may be liberating, which could possibly be synonymous to each other but in the into. Space. Specifically speaking of Sexual Pleasure I. Think the song has its police dare sexy women’s sexual pleasure especially in also especially black women sexual pleasure people who have been told that they are lazy for taking breaks and for not putting themselves first or that they don’t deserve to do that and people who are so used to giving giving giving that they don’t allow themselves to receive, which is a barrier to pleasure. Especially, sexual pleasure people who are so sexually repressed hearing. This song can definitely be motivated to them to know that. Wow. There are women out there who are owning their sexuality his way there are women out there who? Are telling people. What they want, how they wanted, where they want them to put it and how to do it. There are people who know their bodies enough. In this way. So maybe I can do that.

00:15:01 – 00:20:06

Just as you say, you felt motivated I think that the song can definitely motivate more people to reclaim their sexuality to recognize you know some of the sexual barriers that they might have into start putting themselves I in space especially with the orgasm being as wide as it is. That’s right. So when you say orgasm gap, you’re talking about the gender. Gap between the consistency of orgasm for men versus women in straight sexual relationships and You know I, like to think of it also just as a pleasure gap right where where is the focus of the pleasure and I’d love to I was just thinking we should go through the the language of this song sex logically. So let’s start with wet ask Pussy. So she’s talking about how wet it is. GotTa get a mop and a bucket to go clean that and you and I talked about lube all the time I do some work with astronaut item a big proponent of Lube where where would you begin with the plus being wet so That’s another thing because people are like, okay. Tomorrow will I really like your video but what about us? Who Don’t really again as wet as saying what about this and so bears some women who feel like they don’t produce enough. And they feel shamed for. Using. Lube. And they’ll make comments say have to use new bar. We have to use loop in there are actual men who don’t want their partners using loop as well, and so as it relates to vaginal wetness, there are lots of factors that contribute to how wet someone’s Volva in vagina gets. Of course, we know age plays a factor on that as well. Diet sometimes complete factor on it hormone levels can play a factor on people just like walking around here with dripping wet. AP’s whereas Pussy. Thank you so Bay goodness because where would we sit publicly right? So don’t don’t get a tell people listen don’t get into the thoughts that you just supposed to just have this really wet vagina the winter better. So what I tell people is. The even if you think you are wetted in the Mississippi River, you still need to use Lou. Because Lube is there because we still need protection at Lube often helps us with especially if we’re talking about getting beat down like she wanted to get beat down in a song, you don’t want to have any vaginal. Terry and so we note that Luke can help create more slippage so that you are less prone to have in vaginal tearing right and and I think that people are worried like you said that Oh if I don’t get that wet I, my as turned on is the is good but lube is not necessarily an indication of of arousal. You can be super turned on and Super Dry, and you can just be taking the bus and get super wet for. Exactly right. So so I’ve seen criticisms like from the sexological community that, oh, well, she’s know perpetuating this notion that you have to be wet listen. She’s not saying whether she’s using Lubar not and if she has a really wet one that’s okay and if you don’t, that’s okay too I I’ve been noticing that my my lubrication really changes my mood. And when I, if I think about it, that’s when I won’t get as wet but it’s not a big deal because I always have a bottle of lube next to the bed. Yep. Right. A. And then she says, I’m going to put it right in your face wipe your nose like a credit card. I love this because when I talk about going down on on the volve I, always talk about the nose job and sliding your nose up and down. There’s some good. There’s some good sexological fodder in here. Yes. Listen there is let me tell you the part that I like when so especially as it relates to. Women and knowing what you like Annoy your pleasure in also knowing how to orgasm in what gets you off because of course, I tell people all the time that your orgasm is your responsibility. But if we’re even talking about some of the lyrics, she says like when she says like I do a key go while inside. I WANNA ride I do a key goal while is inside. So the significance that that while you are having some penal penetration. If you do a key go out the penises inside it actually breaks pleasure to you and the penis owner as well. So it also helped can help contribute to orgasm increased arousal. So you’re just Tightening up the vaginal are muscles around the penis and stimulates flow in an area and it helps bring you to orgasm. So that was great. Wasn’t it for how to say that because a lot of people don’t realize that They can do that while there has and it feels great. Absolutely. Yeah I think it’s funny how she’s got these super hot sexy lyrics and we manage manage to kind of suck the hot out of it and make it all clinical.

00:20:08 – 00:25:02

I do Akiga while it’s inside spit in my mouth look in my eyes, and we’re like a little eye contact for that connection then. You See. Research. It actually is she probably should be an honorary sexologist I mean. You. Know I mean based on these lyrics he could do. She says, let’s rule play all wear disguise and you talked a little bit about that and now she does talk about big penis. In this song and of course, that may be her preference that might be a cultural expectation with which she was raised but I did get an email from a listener the other day who is feeling really shamed for having a small penis any thoughts on that? He I have to pull it up but he says he has a three and a half inch Pena’s, and he feels that with all the stormy Daniels talk as well in the way that she shaming I think it was trump’s Pena size. He feels very left out and he feels that it’s important that folks in the industry speak up against. This type of shaming he says I’m a man with a very small penis three and a half inches when Iraq and everything I see in here from women tells me that sex experts are wrong to say that only some women care about penis size everyday I see famous women and women in everyday life shaming small penises, and this is just one of so many residents and reasons that you know the majority of women don’t feel like small don’t like small penises. Yeah. What are your thoughts on small penises since we talking about big big ant what does she call them in the song? She called him alive she. Garter snake. I, need a King Cobra Oh. So she calls it a MAC truck right. Yep. I mean listen we talked about this. I worked on an article with Zach immense. I did an article for or contributed to article for men’s health. And the person who wrote the exact same thing they felt like their penis was too small and it was interfering with. Their relationships. And so listen there are people who who are size queens or kings are people who really like large penises and that’s okay. It doesn’t. It doesn’t mean that there are people who enjoy smaller size Pena’s. It’s the thing about it is culturally we’ve been we’re told like we do shame people with small penises culturally unfortunately, we do that and it does make people who don’t feel comfortable about the size of their Pena’s feel inadequate. So unfortunately, we have to work on rebuilding confidence for people who who don’t. Appreciate this as of their pain is but also. Teaching them in showing them other ways to appreciate the penis that they have used it and to, and to also think of sex as she just I just have to use my penis like you have a whole body right and so because we have used we, we identify sex as something happens with the penis in a vagina culturally. So if that’s the only thing we’re seeing we’re viewing sex are that’s the only land where you when sex in of course, we’re going to highlight penises and big penises because of course, penises are going to always be highlighted because they exist on a man so. those are going to be had in especially the bigger ones because, of course, the bigger penis it means the better a man is told he is the bigger his penis isn’t let’s be real. There are some people would really big penises who have no idea of what to do they have no idea how to bring a woman pleasure and there are some people with. Less average sized penises who? have. Extreme amounts of pleasure during sex? So it’s not about what you have is about how you use it and don’t just use your penis use your whole body, their toys you can use. There are people who really were enjoy exploring with the. And I. Think it’s interesting that if we go back to the song, she certainly talks more about. Sitting on his face than. Necessarily just sitting on the peanuts right I. I’m looking for this line where he talks she talks about if he’s got a beard I’m going to try and wet it I’ll let them taste it now he diabetic I guess that’s how sweet she is man I I I really love I. Love Her. And and here’s another piece. She talks about wanting to gag wanting to choke wanting that thing in the back of her throat. And I. Think That’s interesting. ’cause a big question I get around blowjobs is how do I not gag but some people do enjoy gagging and their partners enjoy the sound of their them. For a lot of people but I want to go back to when we say we’re talking about small penises in.

00:25:02 – 00:30:05

So a big a thing about the article that I wrote to this person it also in the Song Max Mag. The STELLIAN says big be stands for big demeanor. So we. Talk About Heaven Big Dig Energy. Right. So even if you don’t have a big right, our big penis, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have. You don’t need to exude confidence as one. So you have to demeanor but if you are very insecure about it and you’re going into sex like I can’t do this like I I, don’t have a big enough Pena’s then Europe performance are the way you show up sexually is going to reflect how you feel. So even if you don’t feel as confident about this is be competent in general. I love that and I love that she says that big de- stand for big demeanor love that absolutely it’s interesting because we were talking about tall energy the other day or what did they say to me somebody said to me Oh. You’re about five, eight, five, nine, I’m like man no, I’m barely five five I’m like maybe I’m five four I don’t even know but I’m sure but they’re like you have really tall energy and even I wear heels all the time. But even when playing sports, they’ll say, oh, you take the tall one and turn to them and I’m like you’re taller than me but I stand tall you really great pastor. Yet I. Think it’s it’s two reasons. One I took piano when I was a kid and it was the sukey method which is huge on posture and to I’m always wearing off the shoulder or one shoulder or strapless clothing, and so you kind of have to sit up forces you to sit up but you had that big D is like my tall energy and it’s interesting because I’m not trying to be taller I, wear the hills because they feel so good although I think I’ve forgotten how to wear heels have you during this time in I’m for right now I have. On that right now and actually I haven’t worn heels in maybe about a year because about like a a year ago I fail. On known. Hills since then so I’m just rehabbing. Oh. Dear dear. Do you miss the hills because you know some people are happy to be in flats listen I, missed the hills because of what they look what they, how they make my clothes look-. Depending on certain close. Our heels looked best with it and because I have really long legs and I, really like to see what my legs look like hills. It’s amazing. I love that I love people who can tell me what they like about their body too I like it. I have really long league. So to me their long. But no, I don’t really miss him. I actually feel more comfortable without the heels Okay. Yeah and I’m not even wearing pants right now that’s the truth like it’s it’s it’s a new era at let’s talk about the peace around horse. So a low of the sample of their sophomores in this house to love that piece I do. Love it. And I’m here for the whole Shit, the Horse Shit, all of that and we we see so many criticisms around the. This is telling women that all they are is you know selling their body and like well, some people are sex workers and Cardi B. Comes from that background, right? And so Yeah. I. Would Love to get your perspective on how many of these criticisms are sex worker negative what we can do about that And how how it’s better for all of us to be sex worker positive won’t definitely because sex work is real work first of all. So people who work insects entertainment and other forms of sex work they are doing real work and it’s in the work that they’re doing is important and if we were more sex worker positive, I think we could do a better job at decriminalizing sex work bay there would be more safety sex workers wouldn’t have to. Work with us all of this fear there will be more protective measures for those people who are sex workers. So we would be as a society I think we will do better if we understood what sex workers rights are if we decriminalize sex work in, if we celebrate it sex workers because they’re they, there’s some sex workers out here that are doing amazing work. For people that are very liberating But of course, if we go back to it, I, mean, I saw something on facebook in it had a guy running on it in his says anytime women say they’re about to enjoy stuff here goes Goldman run into call us holes so great. It’s like you can’t even engage in any type of pleasure especially sexual pleasure without being called whole and you know it goes back to hearing some men say that their job is to keep their daughters off of opole. Have you ever heard that oh? Yeah. Yeah or the that’s kind of the joke like, Oh, I won’t screw them up or they’ll be on a poll by time they’re eighteen, it’s an and so what at first of all Paul performers are supremely talented, close no close heels.

00:30:05 – 00:35:06

nope. No heels that have you tried it. It’s very hard. It’s hard. You have to have yes I’ve tried you have to have. Amazing upper body strength and all over strand strong legs you have to be shaped. It can get you in shape in pole fitness as a thing as well. But yeah, we definitely need to change our views in our information on what sex work is. You know this really seems to come back to ownership of women’s bodies right? Even right back to the beginning when you said that. People want women who are whores in bed but also virgins there’s this idea that I want you to do all these things but I’ll be damned if you’ve ever done it or ever plan on doing with anyone else. This is just for me and that really comes to ownership and when you talk about being more sex worker positive, it reminds me that if we were to erode away where radical the that dichotomy of virgin whore. Folks who have so much sexual shame would be able to let go of it because some of that. So much of the shame regular folks hold comes from our pressure, the pressure for us to be not necessarily virgins but virginal right the opposite of a whore. So when we look at these these female performers talking about being horse sampling music that no, one can call him a whore because they’re calling themselves horse i. What do you think the overall outcome because this is it? This isn’t like a fringe song. And you think about like little Kim Little Kim was big. But Little Kim was big when this genre her genre music wasn’t as big as it is today like this is this is pop music I mean I don’t I’m not a music critic. No in. You know that was my era listening to Lil. Kim. And Salt and pepper yes. Yes. Let’s talk about sex were. You know. But anyway so I think what it does is it helps us. See how sexually repressed. Many of us really are many of us is not that we don’t really like the song, but we don’t know how to enjoy either and I don’t just mean a song like the Giro of music or just the song I mean what is actually saying what is indicating a lot of us are so repressed, we feel guilty and we feel ashamed ashamed of her own sexuality in so many. Don’t know how to enjoy bear sexuality or. Enjoy the lyrics are understand and Larry’s. If. We’ve been taught for so long that sex is something that’s supposed to happen to us by a man. Especially if you are women were many of us are taught that for sex is something that’s supposed to happen to us is something that we give away to someone who is deserving of it then hearing them talk about. Put Him on his knees. BEADY SNL right. talk about put him on his knees in telling you where to put it out. I’M GONNA. Tell him where to put it. That is powerful. So here a women talk about sex in such a powerful way like you said earlier, it’s scary for a lot of people is scary. Four other women who might want to do that because what if I do this? What if I act like this and my partner rejects me or someone rejects me you know so it it provides the space to be vulnerable in a in a sexual way for us to be sexually vulnerable unapologetically. To exist in our pleasure or What we want yeah you’re right the there’s so much fear from critics. Maybe we’re not getting what she’s getting. Maybe we’re not enjoying it as much and that fear and jealousy you know it forces us to either ignore it and be critical or embrace it and be vulnerable and both of those are. A potentially scary options now, if people could revolutionize their sex lives, I know you’re gonNA bring it back to communication and often talk about using your mouth and you actually have conversation starter cards called us your mouth I. Believe you have an e book to is that cracked a have the usual mouse exa relationship conversation starter cards in those are for people who were talking about right many people who might feel. I don’t know how to talk about sex. I’ll with these women say what they said in his song. It’s again it’s scary in a lot of people are like, okay. Maybe I might want to do this but how do I just play the song? Do I just say hey. Listen to this or how do I just go in and say. Hey, I want to use your nose or something like that. So many people have sex you’re married or they’re in relationships, but they’re not talking about sex in. That’s what the cards are for. It’s to help people get comfortable around about talking about sex in relationships the book is.

00:35:06 – 00:38:44

Based on the same bought of using your mouse. So the book is use your mouth in avenues pocket-size conversations to simply increase seven types of intimacy in and out of the bedroom because we’re talk talk about sex, and then we know we might have sex but then because we’re focusing so much on sex sometimes. We forget about or we don’t realize that intimacy exist in other areas of our lives as well. So the book is to help you to defile intimacy looks like in your life. I love it. So the use your mouth cards and books are available on your website at on the green couch dot com I was browsing earlier you have actually nothing but five star reviews from verified purchasers. So you know I believe that our job as sexologists is is really to start conversations more than it is to disseminate knowledge in. You’re doing this with your user, use your mouth cards I. Love it so much and I love chatting with you. I love chatting with you. I’m so grateful that we got to go almost line by line through W. a. p. any any closing thoughts for folks before we let you go. Just to. Forget about the hype that the song breaks I liked that the song brought us this height because we get to have these types of conversations in although people are having lots of conversations in discussions about this song I I want people to. Think about how they feel about themselves. Sexually right. So ask yourself this one question. If I were my best sexual self. What would I be doing? If I were my best sexual self. What would I be doing? And Ask Your partner. If you’re partnered, ask your partner if I were my best sexual self, what would I be doing or how would I even know and if you’re stuck on question, definitely get the cars if you’re looking to role play, right if you’re looking to learn how to seduce people, there’s a book for that righteous ’cause you you vote. That’s right Marlin I wrote the ultimate guide to Seduction. They probably go really well hand in hand. That’s a great question If I was my best sexual self I think that I would make more time for sex and slow down and I think that’s even like for me who is entrenched in this all the time every time I talked to you, you open a new perspective, and so this is a conversation I’m definitely going to be having with Brandon and a highly encourage everyone to check you out on instagram follow along sexologist Shemaya. well as your website on the green couch dot com, really appreciate chatting with you. Thanks for taking the time today. Of course. Thanks for having me. Folks thanks for listening. We’ll let you go with the Cardi B. Song. Have a great one. Six. Seven, days a week. And good. Game. Quick. Buck. Swing can could give me. Goose beat it up baby catch a charge at some large off put this cookie biting your face set been knows the credit card happened I want to buy a book? Row The combat mouth Madonna’s SORTA sweat. You’re listening to the sex with Dr Jess podcast improve your sex life, improve your life.