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Sex with Dr. Jess


August 21, 2020

Top Tips for Oral Sex, Riding & Sliding Into DMs With Grace

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Samia Burton, founder of Sexual Essentials, joins us to share her unique experience and insights as an unconventional sex educator. We discuss:
  • Deep throat yoga-yawning
  • Oral sex techniques
  • Building up stamina
  • How to body-roll like a pro
  • Hands-on sex ed for adults
  • Using fruit snacks to spice things up
  • The dos and don’ts of DMing strangers: language, approach, tone and your elevator pitch
  • Jump rope, donkey kicks & other exercises for better sex

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Let’s discuss something, how SOME of y’all treat us via DM is why we scowl in public & walk across the street when we see a group of men. SOME of y’all don’t make us feel safe. ⁣ ⁣ At some point it has to get TIRED trying to hit on every woman that you see⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ In the grocery store with a mask & folks legit just come up & are trying to get with you ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Yes I know what you’re going to say ‘but how do you think folks get together ..but a lot of relationships start like that’⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ And you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! But what’s present in those SUCCESSFUL outcomes is some indication that the person was interested and IF there was no indication the woman was able to let her guard down because she was approached with proper communication & no sexual undertones from a stranger! ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Idk about every woman but personally when I see someone that strikes my eye for whatever reason there is a eye catch that stays just a little too long and right there in that split second a guy knows aye she saw me too…but she walks to pump her gas she watching over her shoulder staying safe and you just coming to the pump in her personal space not even offering to pump the gas (as you see I did not say PAY) and saying Hey Ma you got a man with absolutely no thought outside of just laying eyes on her … the shit is TIRED and wayyyy too many men do it. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Don’t be that guy that hits on every woman he SEES and if you are make it original & stop mentioning sex ANYTHING in a Effing DM. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Women are being attacked, stalked, murdered every Effing day Do SOMETHING to make her feel safe not make her feel like this is a effing creep. Because i assure you asking her for sex is not the way. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ And for the dumbass that’s going to say ‘well you’re a sex page he probably thought that was ok’ JUST STOP. If I sold sex I would SAY SO. But I don’t and me discussing sex does not give any person a RIGHT to speak to me any type of way. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Telling women that you DONT KNOW that you would eff the shit out of them is NOT OKAY. Because clearly you don’t know her all we think is RAPE !!! do not be that guy. I would hate to have to put some hot shit in somebody son because of this simple shit.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Top Tips for Oral Sex, Riding & Sliding Into DMs With Grace

00:00:05 – 00:05:11

You’re listening to the sacs with Dr Jess, podcast sacks, and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr Jess podcast. I’m your co host Brandon. We’re here with my lovely other half Dr Jess Hey. Hey It’s early mornings today very early. Yes. We had been a bit of incident last night with our. Carbon monoxide detectors going off. Wouldn’t stop going off. Yeah. But we’re we’re not so bright because it was just low battery but you know when you wake up in the middle of the night and you’re all foggy. So that’s the kind of night we had. But it’s funny when I get up really early with very little sleep I think that there’s just an adrenaline rush because I’m so desperate than tired at all I’m feeling good today. How about you? It’s funny that you mentioned that because I felt the same way mind you I’m not just foggy in the middle of the night I’m foggy for like the first two hours of every day. It’s true. You don’t even look like your cell phone doesn’t recognize me seriously it doesn’t know facial recognition not at all. It’s like your nose moves to the side. One is up on your forehead super hot. Picture. Now, we could be, can we we headed out to the? Islands, which is about two and a half three hours. West, of, West no east. Of Toronto. And it’s called the thousand islands region. Of course, half of them are in New, York and half of them are in Ontario actually two-thirds are in Ontario and only one third in New York state, but the land mass. is divided equally because someone paid attention on the boat tour well, and it’s called the thousand islands. But how many islands are there brandon interesting note eighteen, hundred and sixty four stolen islands well, that was an interesting piece of the tour. They talked a lot about is a little bit of history in the region and some of the so-called founders of the region but didn’t talk about the fact that the pre so-called European rooted founders indigenous folks were here for a long long time. So I’ve been talking about writing. In, starting a travel blog for years now because I travel so often and I find I travel really interesting places. I’m not just going to like London Newark Miami I get to go to places that you know perhaps I wouldn’t have explored if it wasn’t for my work whether that’s like you stumble or or Romola or be roots or cookie, and I’ve been I post about my travel on my instagram. So if you follow me on Instagram, you know that but I’ve been thinking about starting a. Blog focused really on women in business. Travel and maybe that’s not the focus. But that would be kind of the angle because the way we travel as women is different. But anyhow, to go back to what I was going to write a blog about our our, we can in thousand islands and that was going to be one of my mentioned that I wish and I really think that we need to see a shift to talk about real history not just filtered whitewash modernized version of it. It’s really interesting when you start paying attention to the people that are in these vacation areas to as a as a white guy. I noticed everybody there’s white. Everybody. And it was interesting to start paying more attention to these things as you travel, and then you start thinking about the indigenous land and you start thinking about the atrocities that have occurred over centuries and it really and continue. Yeah and. It really does make you think about things. And, hopefully, it inspires well will inspire me to do a little bit more digging a little bit more reflection. Well, that’s what I had to do as soon as I got off the tours like, okay. So they talked about so-called history, but let me do a little bit of googling to see what else was on this land and I’m certainly not the expert to to be sharing that information. But I got to do a little bit of learning a little bit of reading on my own and and overall the trip was really interesting. We went out on a sailboat in Kingston we went on the the main torlind again and Acquai- boat line or cruise line tour. And then and then. and. Then we went out with the thousand islands water shuttle, a guy named Ron who took us on a private tour and that was really cool because he showed us a number of the properties even church on the water where he was married. So many of the beautiful islands we did get to see Bolt Castle, which is on the US side, and that was obviously really beautiful. Structure and in some ways, kind of ECLECTIC architecturally. But I really enjoyed that but I highly recommend if if are in the Toronto area to head out to the thousand islands, I’m regretful that it took me this many years to do it and you can put a trip report up on my instagram if you’re looking for some.

00:05:12 – 00:10:07

Cool places to go. Now, before we dive into our topic today I, want to shout out a new sponsor that we’re going to be working with Provo care, which is a probiotic vaginal care product that is clinically proven to treat and prevent recurring yeast and bacterial infections. Along. With the symptoms of burning and dryness in excessive discharge, and it is a way to restore the healthy bacteria and Ph level required for a balanced vaginal ecosystem in it’s available at Canadian pharmacies it repopulates the vaginal ecosystem by delivering the type and amount of healthy bacteria directly to the site of infection, and I am going to be going live on instagram from the Provo Care Account. So that’s by Provo care be why pro the care next Tuesday August twenty fifth at seven. PM. Eastern for our very first of a series of pro V. Chats. So if you have any sex ed questions, are you WANNA tune in? Be Sure to join us if you’re not following me on instead it’s sex with Dr Jess and I’ll be live from bribe by precare. They’re actually giving away a five hundred dollar prize pack for folks for someone who tunes in on Tuesday night including two hundred and fifty dollars Visa Gift Card. So yeah, definitely tune in and I’m excited. For this product because apparently has been used in Europe for three decades. It’s finally over here in north. America, you can have sex while you’re using it. people take it to offset the effects of antibiotics, which as you know, sometimes prescribed for Yeast Infections or another infections, and it doesn’t reduce the effectiveness of birth control I’m talking about procure her not anti-biotics which do and it doesn’t kill healthy BRAC TIRIAC. So that’s Provo care. Tuesday night seven PM instagram see that. Now, today we are going to be speaking to. An unconventional sexual educator who specializes in hands on classes where participants actually get to practice what they want to learn. So she has a mouth masterclass. Adik? Riding one. Oh One the classes on masturbating and squirting, and we’re going to learn more about her work and also chat about a recent post that really caught my attention on her instagram and this post is about how to effectively and respectfully slide into someone’s DM’s if you’re interested in connecting. Joining us now is Samaya Burton of sexual essentials. Thanks so much for joining as the. Thank you so much for having me. Now I’m a fan of your work fan of your instagram on your website. You say your life is pretty normal. You are a mother of the most handsome son you’re twenty eight years old you love to travel and you happen to be an unconventional sex educator maybe more sex educators should make what you’re doing more conventional. How did you find yourself in this magical feel of sex education for adults? Always. Really. been. Own. Confused. That women can give up their bodies and go through all these changes and they can also say they’ve never had an orgasm in their life I find that. So many people are in relationships that there with the person they wanna be with, but the sex is not the way they want it to be there. So many adult that have never had an orgasm you know. You when you become an adult, you get the responsibilities but she wanNa have the pleasure to and nobody really takes time to teach anybody how to do it. So I just really wanted to bridge that gap outside of reading an article or just being the speaker wanted to provide in. For lack of better words, unconventional hands on approach to learning how to have a better sex life. Now you have this hands on approach you teach courses on writing tell me how that works what does it look like in one of your courses. So of course, there’s always the confused faces staring back at me like we’re really going to do this Everybody comes super dressed up and I’m like, Hey, guys, read the description has since come comfortable. Chick instagram before you came to this class, right And it’s okay. It’s okay. WE’RE GONNA get into it. So they they sign up for this class and they think that I’m going to talk. You know I’m just going to demonstrate but we’ve had that all our lives you can get on Youtube and see somebody gives you their pointers you can go to COSMO CEO best sex sits right? No, they come into that class they have to pair up with somebody and of course was pre Kobe did.

00:10:09 – 00:15:08

They pair up with somebody and they get on a comfortable surface and we go through all my tips and tricks for rioting. We go to work out you know and I make sure that they look good and feel good before they leave class. and. Then you have people that come back come back the way it’s really fun. You know sue do they get to sit on top of someone and like move their hips and pop and swirl, but they’re not there it is the penis inside. No No. Their clothes. Actually it’s a woman’s only class Oh. Okay. Okay. So. There’s. Not. Addictive. Unless you come to the map masterclass and then you get a deal. But Okay. Okay. I was thinking I was like that’s a lot of pressure to oh. Yeah. None of them and I was hoping you use strap or something because that’s a lot of on the penis. That we just stay hard stay still don’t enjoy. Don’t. Exactly No. So ladies only classes the space for us to be comfortable because what I’ve been finding out a lot of women will have a fake attitude about Oh. No, I’m not GonNa do that he needs to do this and no you know. But really it’s insecurity because they don’t know what they’re doing and they won’t speak up in front of men. You know I don’t want to tell their partner that. So when you get around other ladies, you start getting more comfortable like, oh my gosh does anybody know how to do this because somebody show and now you’re trying to get all your questions out the way because you’re around you know other women were finally feel comfortable. So the classes that I teach. And of course, I’m not saying that men can’t ride or men said the not what I’m saying at all it’s just easier right now for us to have a ladies only space For, everybody feel comfortable until I. Branch out and figure out how to make everything more inclusive. Don’t want men in the class gawking you know, of course. You see how many messages we get hold. S Dummy. Like okay now. You know I do something sort of similar down at desire resorts that I don’t talk about a lot but they are more active classes that I teach and I take these couples into the room and walk them through different techniques and of course. Yeah there’s always the people are like, do you need a demo model unlike now man I’m more of a I’m more of an air air hand job person than a penis hand job person like the guitar. Desire you should hazing I’ll. I’ll hook you up with them. Actually I’ll send a son in intro. So Tommy, what do most people get wrong about writing like water It’s not that that one thing is wrong. But what is wrong about our attitude or approach or the physical part of it? I think that when it comes from the woman side, if I’m being totally honest I think that it’s not long enough for one I think that we can critique men so easy and say you know Oh you didn’t do this to do that, and then when the shoe is on the other foot, you you start writing the same song is still on when you’re finished. I feel called out. A little little glimpse into our personal life. Okay and I’m. And I’m like, are we though because? I don’t what I need it or you. Don’t touch me. So. There’s that. that. Part. Of, women think that writing torquing or chair scooting and. There’s a truth that it’s not. You know your upper body doesn’t move like crazy in really hit isolation. So if you’re just you know gyrating like you’re a carnival is something like that’s cute but it probably could hurt the day you know it it really hurt. And to be clear, we don’t want to hurt the deck. Thank you just in case. Those times where maybe somebody gets a little too excited and forget that there’s a there’s a human being attached to that appendage on the other end. Yeah. So. What what is one exercise or physical technique we can try right now I’m I’m GonNa do it obviously and I’m hoping listeners are going to do it as well. One thing we can do one way to move a Mardi moving. To I’M GONNA give you too because you total yourself about the time or. The first one is going to be super simple jump rope for Tim Ministry so I understand that we’re GONNA have a pause we’re going to trip over the broke but if you can get through ten minutes, you’d be surprised how your stamina will increase on the day apparently.

00:15:09 – 00:20:01

in the next you know what really hurts when you’re riding the inside of those thighs they burn so much. You know. I want you get down on fours. This is not a kinky thing. This is an exercise I promise. You. WanNa do fire hydrant. So you WanNa kick your leg back. So you do don cakes or you can do fire hydrants and either you’ll be kicking your legs back. You’ll be taken to the side and doing three sets of ten just net three or four times a week you’ll. It’ll hurt when you do don’t get me wrong but you realise only ride it hurts way less able to go longer that paired with that ten minutes jumping rope every you know every day is getting some cardio in where you’re doing something consistently. It makes a world of difference if you’re just trying to stay you know stay with us for a while. So I just WanNa clarify the just was sitting here in the chair eagerly awaiting you to tell her to rock her hips or do something like that, and he’s thinking about jumping rope because you wanted to try something right now. Did you know I wanted to ride my chair right now I wanted to know how to move my hands I love that though I I love the the you know. It’s the Pratt wants. Okay. So if we’re talking about you talk right now and you you have your crop, right? We have you’re. My Crab a good profit. So we’ll on tap I, want you to hunched your hips under. So think about when you’re writing, you know how you bounce right goofed up like in your at the tip of the Dick and then you bring yourself down to the base of the when you get down to that base when I want you to do is hunch hits under okay. Like like the Tootsie Roll Dancer sketching about tightening your ass like like you were squatting at the gym like munching in you know. And so you get all the Dick end but it’s almost like body rolling where you get that last little bit did in because remember our insides as women there curved, and so we curve our body, we allow space for that last little bit of interest. So to get inside of us and you get a bit of a gas, you know from your. Or your. And it’s like it’s like going the extra mile you know is I really stroking so don’t just be a and girl via body roller to the in in go the extra innings at the end you know not. Love it but I also saw on your instagram that you applied people people with a penis who also the body roll late there was that one is post where you’re like guys pay attention for again if you’re have a partner, they’re not straight on the inside. So roll on the outside too. So do do you think do you think though that like? People with pianist guys are are are receptive to these instructions. Do you think the on though they all think they know in advance and they want to go in and? Yet I think that I think that with age and experience people start realizing that the body rollers real. But one of the things I, really love about the way that I run my instagram is that I talk about it. So that way people can see other people are saying and they’re like Oh. Okay. That way they don’t have to open their mouth in talk about something they don’t know about they can see everybody’s comments and even if they wanted to believe believer before they’ll see all these ladies saying Oh, hell. Yeah. I want that I want this now they’re going home and they body rolling in the mirror trying to figure it out is this. You know but it it makes a world of difference site body. Roland if so good. Will I mean I I? I, looked at that post, and then whether you do it or not, I’ll tell you the next time the being unconventional sex educator like that’s something that I’m going to pay attention to generally mean and hope. Your partner benefits from it too so I can’t help it right now I like start moving my hips. Song comes on, you give me instructions I’ll start doing it. I think that that’s super amazing. I think it’s really one of the sexiest things ever win a man is like you know, hey, you want me to try that and try it and it really opens the door and levels the playing field of vulnerability where we can say we know we’re trying you know trying something new. So now if you critique near say O- tr- like move a little bit this way no one is going to get offended because we’ve opened the door you know and he’s opened the door by saying you know going to trust them to not be like that like. You know. So I I love lament really open to doing something different and women as well. You’d be surprised they get these classes, the math masterclass, the Dick Riding one one and they are like, what can this girl teach me like sex has been around forever she is not teaching anything no. The problems that. We have to be open to suggestions we have to understand everybody’s body is different.

00:20:01 – 00:25:06

In the way that you said is not going to be the way grow next to you state. You know like we know how to do it, but we should be able to specialize it. You know for ourselves and for our partner. Absolutely and I mean I think people should all go take these courses, and of course, they can find them on your site sexual essentials. Even when you take these courses, you have to keep asking your partner what they’re into because they’re not sure fire moves. And the way you roll your hips with one person might be different than the way. Another person wants you to rule them and even from day to day we change I think about your vagina and the the way the cervix is positioned with your cycle changes. Yes and so. Yeah what feels good on day six may feel awful on these. So it’s it’s not like a one time conversation. Yes, totally occurred. Now, you also have a mouth masterclass. Tell us about this. Serum. In the mouth masterclass I, feel like there’s no way to tell somebody how to set the without them second day right? Like if we’re just be an honest like, am I going to tell you what’s going on inside and my now like I? I could tell you but you’re just listening. I feel like it has to be hands on. So when even even during Kobe, if you join my mouth masterclass. You’ll get a you couldn’t. Get, a deal does from my store. And ship it to you in time to get it for class and what I really like about these those is that it has the suction cups. You can stick it in the shower stick on the wall in Kentucky you know. So we go through all these. Amazing to we go through. What I’m sorry I’m thinking of. That that infomercial set it and forget it. I’m thinking stick it and suck it. Could. Hey. That really is a good senator direction short. Ladies, they get in this class and. Another they feel uncomfortable but I just be myself the same way. I. Would want somebody to teach me how to suck some Dick you know and. A lot of people don’t know how to do it and it’s so crazy because they’re like all. They never let me finish. They just take over and I said up Amish youth you were doing exactly what you need to do. No. Going to stop you from doing it. They’re not trying to take over they’re gonNA oh yeah. You can have like help yourself. You won’t second you want birds. And I told them that. They think about it and they realized nobody has ever let them get through more than two minutes of second dig. And I’m like there’s a reason. You know it nothing to be ashamed about already command anybody that’s decided. Hey, I wanna see what else is out there even if you don’t learn a thing for my class you tried, but I assure he’ll the class but. You know anyone who doesn’t learn anything or says they didn’t learn anything they went in with that attitude because listen you and I we study this. We do this all day long and if I were to sit through your class, I would do so much learning and I’m sure that if I actually have a similar video course I’m sure you’d learn to because we can’t. Possibly think the same way exactly like you. You can’t be open to sex. I feel like is what makes it really good when you’re with somebody and it doesn’t have to be one certain way or you know that hey, when I start dating you at this time versus in a few years, I’m able to say, Hey, I don’t like that anymore or like this now are. About having the. Availability to save bet and not feel like you’re GonNa be you know? offended, that’s freedom. You know that’s really freedom. So you can get so many different types of sex lives with whoever your wits if you’re able to change, you know if you have the space to. Be Vulnerable and be honest absolutely now when it comes to the mouth, do you have a great tip? You can share for folks. I have a little fun trick that I think that people would like just to switch it up because I know the first thing that people I was asked, what’s the? What’s the new sell? The new can do? So, I. Know that everybody is like, what about grapefruit thing I’m I don’t I don’t. Suggest the out clumsy and I know grapefruit juice gets in the head of the I’m not getting our of that. So I don’t. That’s not my ministry. I’m very close. So I just I don’t do that. But I like for Rolex. So fruit by the foot. I take her for by the foot and I will wrap it around the day and circuit. Now of course, we need to wash it before we put it inside of us we don’t want eastern fictions or any of that you’ve been listening to Cardi B. brushing. I heard her talking about yesterday I was like I’m GonNa have to send her some of my watch. Okay I’ve really what she said about this as real I just I love hearing her voice I love the way she talks like you’ve been eating your chili cheese dog and she goes off about all the foods that are in your mouth.

00:25:07 – 00:30:03

But we also sex educators, WANNA remind people that actually brushing your teeth before Kim increase your risk of infection because of the little tear. So so I was reading do you know talk taboo they? They had a response that said maybe just wash with mouth like wash out your mouth with water or something like that or take a five minute break birds. And I’m like Yo if someone watches their mouth with listerine and goes to eat me out I’m like IOS feels like icy hot down there. We can we not? Everybody has an icy hot story. You know what I mean Oh, my gosh. For the first time and I had to soak in the bath, let me tell you from sexy too scared in two and a half second. Please don’t fall off. Off. To, good tagline for your dating profile from sexy too scared two point five seconds. Okay. I interrupted I have to hear about fruit by the foot. Let’s go to it. So fruit privacy open the fruit roll up in my other type of love. The one that looks like a piece of paper and then there’s you know the fruit. Your role, the ones the kids wanted back. Then your mom used to get you the regular. Take it out and you wrap the Dick whip and when you suck it, which realized. So think about like when you have peanut butter in your mouth. It is. You know and how hard your your second inconsistency in a lot of people don’t realize that when you’re second did you can easily forget to tighten your mouth and so really it’s just going in and out but you’re not. I really feel that the key to second dig is I wanted to feel just as good is if we were having sex, I want to be confused like, oh my gosh it’s really tightened wet is this vagina or is this mouse like is that you know I, want there to be Confusing your head literally lose it. You know. So when I talked to was that you need to make sure that your mouth is tight enough in your gripping it the whole time your second by don’t don’t start giving lazy hair where the the digits going in and out of your mind make sure that you’re sucking in. So if you’re getting tired using for roll up is not only something different but you have no choice but to sex super hard I, mean in heartened to hurt anybody but said hard enough because for relatives are really hard to get off and of course, I’m not telling you buy this until the Ferrelli is all the way gone. You’ll be there for two days. But. Yeah. So that and then also when you’re deep throwing when you go as far back as you can go on the day like in your mouth. Yawn. Though. So they get that throat Kegalle around the deep. Yes. Steve deep par and you push another inch down your throat when you think about when you’re at the gym or you’re doing yoga and they say breathing and they push deeper into the stretch. Basically Nadu throat, Yoga and you should yawn. Why the Dixie your mouth and push your head down. There, and you get about another inch in there. You know. So not people I can only go this far yawn is like stretching frigates and pushed down just a little bit more. I love it. I love it. Okay. So folks can learn way more in your mouth masterclass. So again, it’s sexual essentials and they’ll they’ll check that out. No, you recently the reason I contacted you and felt compelled to speak to you right away was that you recently posted a series about sliding into DM’s. And why people. Aren’t so successful sliding into DM. So you’re you’re you’re here to help us understand what not to do, how to not waste people’s time, and also how not to be a creep and young. I was thinking I should read out some of my. DM’s but none of them are successful people. You know often send messages just asking to see me naked or asking to see my feet or. or if I post a picture brandon and I they say, can you kiss him and I’m like it’s a it’s a still shot. It’s not president. Off. They I like, what do you want me to do go back into the photo and kissing they want like live sex performances. So I really rubbing my temple is over here. Tell the truth and I know you are and I’m decide. Okay. All right. So you. So I I think though to be fair people are hooking up and meeting via social media. then. So sliding into the EMS is one way to connect but most people aren’t doing effectively like I. Don’t know if they’re just throwing out casting a huge net and hoping that something.

00:30:03 – 00:35:05

So you begin with. Don’t slide into someone’s DM’s with the one word. Hey Hi hello. What’s up? What’s good yo? X is linked to us. So it’s a waste of time. So I felt like when you go into anybody’s DMZ, you have one two messages to not seem like a creep to not waste their time and to be straightforward right show that you can create sentences. If you say, Hey. To me one I don’t know if your spam. And you’re wasting my time and honestly that goes both ways echoes when you have customers or potential clients and someone that’s trying to go in your DM’s like for dating because. If you’re asking me a question you can greet me ask the question in the same sentence. You can say, Hey, how are you actually had a question when I was wondering these Blah Blah Blah or hey, my name is so-and-so been following for awhile you know. Stop. Wasting my time I you I don’t think people realize how much. Emotional Labor. It takes to go through social media in stay on top of it and try to be engaging like the messages that that are worth. It are so much more than the ones that aren’t but the ones that aren’t sometimes really do so it’s like you open them when you really don’t need to be opening them. You know like you’re having a bad day already and then some guys ask. Your booty. Ho is just like really right now. Right now. That’s what we’re doing. Oh, then you have the people that come off a certain way in they’re totally being raped. You know and it’s disheartening because you know that if you’re doing this and. I’m completely mortified of women that you actually around you know so. There an emotional intelligence to speaking to people and Yo- is not it? Is Ultimately, it’s just a waste of time mostly it’s a waste of time. Right? So you say when you’re introducing yourself, remember that this is a stranger so you should introduce yourself like you would in real life. So it’s your you say it’s your elevator pitch. You have one to two messages to not seem weird. So get to the point I really really appreciate that. So let’s say if you can give us some some specific language. Somebody sees your profile and they they’re interested in you like what are some lines that you might respond to? So I am very nice I’m going to be totally honest and some of that is just being nice and some of it is a fear of someone attacking the if I’m being totally honest turning down. So. I. Do not like turning people down rudely if I don’t have to because you never know people crazy especially in person. But if someone’s deeming me, I act old school. Hey, my name is so and so but do not immediately ask the our why because you don’t even know where I am my business profile does not have a location on it and I travel for work. So say hey, I think you’re gorgeous I really wanNA take you out. Where the hell are you do you? Quite It doesn’t make is shows that you absolutely just through the hot dog down the hallway? Whatever it such is you’re hoping it lands in a bun and it just doesn’t make sense and it makes me think that slow like just your stupid I do like. I don’t think good things when people do that I’m just like so you. You’re going to pay for a flight to. Come to wherever you are. It doesn’t make sense right? It doesn’t make sense. I prefer when somebody just says, you know wouldn’t have honest like pay up and follow your. In. I’m just wondering if you have a boyfriend you, you have this that. Up You could speak to me like I’m human that helps. In I mean a lot of a lot of these things these recommendations that you’re making it seem like how you go about having a civil conversation with somebody at a bar at a club anywhere right as opposed to yell or what’s up yeah. Hey you would never walk up to someone at the bar say, can you show me your booty hole? No. Not Unless you? Approach of throwing the Hudson. Correct. But you also bring up a really good point there, which is if that’s how you’re interacting with somebody in someone’s DM’s how are you in real life? It is frightening. It’s scary to think that that rape culture like you know it exists I’m not disputing at all, but it’s like if that’s what you’re doing behind. Somebody’s deums that you don’t know what are you doing when somebody’s not paying attention or go to club things like that like it’s frightening. You and I and I for anybody of course listening I know they’re probably like how did that become rape culture.

00:35:05 – 00:40:00

On the Post that we were talking about I, put some screen shots in their of people literally. Approaching in their their first or second messages, you know I’ve always wanted to have sex with someone that looks like you. What’s the? That’s scary. It really is for somebody saying you know Oh I, would definitely do this to You da Da da we’ve never had a conversation. You telling me what you do to me and I travel for work close -is and things like it does not make me feel safe the fact that I have to. Get security now when the world opens up. Light. Regular Plain. Jane. I could ACAPA shoes with that. You know security just because people literally feel obligated. To you to your body because you talk about six. Oh right absolutely and people will say, and I think you spoke about this on instagram while you’re a sex page. So you so I thought it was okay. No. If we’re selling a specific type of sex, we’ll let you know Ra absent and we support people who are selling sex and we can recommend them fabulous sex workers and it’s also not. What we’re doing and sex workers are not opening themselves up to being sexually harassed. They are offering a very clear service for a very clear monetary exchange. They’re not looking for you to tell them. You know all your sexually explicit fantasies unless you’re going to pay them to take the time, and as you said, the emotional Labor to read through your Shit. And the deals like I promise you the women that I would suggest they’re not open year DMZ. It. It doesn’t pay them and I support that two hundred percent opening opening your DM. Doesn’t pay them. They haven’t links and if you really were curious about what they do, that’s where you would go. Okay. It’s twenty twenty. If you don’t know how to go to the Lincoln someone’s Bhai on Instagram. You deserve to get it anyway like. You don’t deserve it. So I appreciate this perspective. So you say you know speak in complete sentences, get to the point to show me that you value your time. Don’t beat around the Bush or act as though we know each other be polite and don’t make it with a sexual tone that language of you know have been following awhile we don’t know each other but I was wondering if you’d be interested in may be chatting via DM that’s opening it up and sort of asking for your permission to age right and I I really really appreciate that and you also say the next point you bring us to is If you have never had interaction with someone ask yourself why are you deeming them right? Like what is that? You’re expecting to get and remember that social media isn’t a dating APP that doesn’t mean we can’t meet via social media but not everyone is on there for the purpose of dating. and. Then you you also say to scroll through their stuff every time you see someone attractive it’s not the time to hit on them build some interaction by commenting on some of their posts over time not all at once like if you. Sexy sexy sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy kiss. Kiss Him. Ones where you wake up in the morning and then you have forty seven lights from one person with no abby picture. and. Then you have a game from you decide what do you think? He is getting accomplish right now. Right? How big is okay. I’m telling you I really. Question and I’m really concerned like do people not have emotional intelligence for others and how this they make them feel. Like I don’t know if. I’ve lived as you can see how this I have no words for it. I’m just like you don’t realize you’re making anybody uncomfortable and. DM’s from people say, well, you know some people do like that and of course, it’s always that person that has to do that. Well, some people do like the majority dome. And just because somebody likes something doesn’t mean that I feel safe with that or that I don’t feel intimidated or threatened by is So I really like the idea of being polite I’m not making sexual advances from the get go and if you keep commenting or key messaging. Don’t say hey, are you getting my messages? Yeah. We’re getting your messages and we also an I’m not trying to be rude here like we also have the option not to respond we all have whether it’s from a professional perspective or or potentially romantic or sexual perspective. We all have lives and other things going on and I mean you, you have a massive falling like seventy thousand followers and. So we get a ton of messages and the Guy Do really try and respond to as many as I can.

00:40:02 – 00:45:01

I don’t respond to hey baby. Don’t I. I don’t respond to the ones that say they’ll pay me two hundred dollars a day to text with them. Have you been getting those lately? That’s my blocks thicker work. So fast as until you if I get a hey baby. Like I don’t even I don’t play the radio is. I’d love sexual essentials in it. It really is my baby, and if I let people in that will mess that up like letting people follow me just let my numbers go up even though they’re harassing me, it’ll take away the love that I have for something that I built for a good purpose and so I have no problem lacking people left and right and known can’t come on my page because that’s not what this is fuller. I love that. I love. That’s good advice for all of us in the field because we’re always trying to balance the fact that you know yes this our business and we need the support but we also don’t need support if it’s going to be an emotional drain and not support those people before trying to support listen you’re supporting US support what I’ve already put out there you understand and look and see that clearly at that’s not my field of sex work. There’s nothing wrong with it, but that’s not mind you haven’t. You, haven’t done anything. You’re just harassing to get off or who knows what you’re doing on the side of your computer scary, right? Yeah. So and I don’t want this to come off as suggesting that we don’t want people to to diem us or follow or support, and we do want to interact. It’s just that when forever you know real message there’s ten messages of someone just hey being or me your butthole or show me your feet. It’s a lot of hassle so. From the positive side if you are deming, people are trying to get the attention or interact with someone online. You say that before you DM them, there are other ways to interact and see if they’re interested. Can you share some of those insights like what can we do because people are making connections? Many of us do want to make connections online So I have a couple of people that are not dating, but I do D- regularly from on business page because even when I started off, they never came off creepy they will respond to the stories that I was putting up. So if I put up a a poll, if they vote, they may expound on why they voted that you know or. If I post something about toys or something like, Hey, how do you like that Do you know what store has that or hey, I listen to your live the other day you can you tell me who the girl that she had on was just actually giving me some context showing that you heard he speaking out of my mouth. I, don’t mind engaging with them. Even if they do have alterior motive, they had not disrespected me you know and I don’t feel uncomfortable at I mean you can I mean I’m pretty sure you could read too when people are just trying to have a conversation to. Ultimately asks you so what you doing tonight Ns when you stopped responding but these people are sick they’re clear that. Because I stated it multiple times like, okay she’s not incident. But if they do want to have a conversation, they’ve been polite and they’ve responded to actual questions I’m asking I literally will put up. Israel post asking a question in the responses you are so sexy oh do stuff to you. Is that answer my question, right? So yeah, people is to my stories. That’s a really great one people will comment in the on instagram lives that I have I have a lot of regulars that come into the instagram as I speak to them and I always respond to their questions fires because they’re they’re consisted, you know and I feel comfortable around them right does. It doesn’t like a setup you know. And Digital. Those little connections are real. I think that you know I’ve made friends Y- or made business contacts and really connected with people just from interacting on instagram over time but it’s never an instinct in sorry. It’s never an interaction that begins with habe. It’s engaging with what I’m saying because if we wanted to just put photos up there and be told where sexy, that’s what we do, but we’re actually creating content and like I love I love all the responses and all the support and all the feedback. Even some of the criticism that a receive I find it really helpful and I like it similar. We’ve got a regular people, regular listeners, regular followers. Who Want to engage and once you’ve built a little bit of that relationship That’s when you might ask, Hey, would you be interested in like do you wanna DM for a bed? So I love the idea of asking permission I. Think you’ve laid it out really nicely over on your instagram. So I definitely encourage people to instagram sexual essentials. You have all of these courses, all of this knowledge any. Last piece of advice or insight, you’d like to share with people on how to design better sex lives. Stop Faking. Stop faking orgasms and.

00:45:03 – 00:50:00

Be Honest with yourself I think that I think that you know walk coming out has really You Know Cardi make song coming out has brought a lot of insecurities of others to the surface and some of the responses that I’ve been hearing. As you know there Cardi’s a wise she has a baby she. Vets which you hide behind you invalidate your need for pleasure behind who you are thinking. You can’t have it. Let’s start respecting other people’s sexual journey just because it’s stopped for you. Does not mean you should be intimidated by it doesn’t mean you should be judging and the energy that you’re putting towards that is energy you could be putting it to having multiple orgasms day. Okay. So Let’s stop hiding behind what we think. We should be sexually and just be and be honest if you can’t be honest or feel comfortable with. Whom you’re sharing your body with then you. Probably shouldn’t be doing it and it’s never too late to change. You may have said you know had never do this at at you know I’ve said so many ignorant things I’ve had to apologize for just didn’t understand like in the past and I’m pretty sure I’ll keep doing it in the future, but there is no wrong time to know what was wrong about that and now that I know better. I’m going to make this change in you know starting now now I believe anal sex is the best. Now that’s what I believe. Okay starting today. You can always make a change in your sex life. You don’t have the way you’ll have to. Feel like you can’t do it anymore just because you’re mayor heater new relationship or in in that. So stopping guys and. Stop hiding behind which you think your sex life should be just make it what you want. I love that I love that and we were hiding behind these these pressures with regard to our identity and I love that you’re saying that you can always make a change. It’s true like if you’ve had a certain view of sex, you actually can change it. If you’ve been in Heb inhibited, you can try something new today. So you know who you are sexually is not static. It is always in motion and there’s a lot of learning to be done. So hopefully, folk more hoax workers pay sex workers. Gosh and people don’t realize sex workers come in all different shapes sizes and. Content types. So yes, if you’re lonely in you need. Physical companionship he has their sex workers. If you could pay for that. If you say you WANNA learn something new insects, you have sex educators fast. Okay. Stop expecting people to teach you something for free. This is a lot of our livelihoods and you can’t value somebody only when they’re giving you the answer for free. You know so. I really encourage others to take a take a chance and surprise you may have fun and you may find that you WANNA take a career change. You know you never know what you’ll find. So pay people for their you know their expertise you know don’t just go to the asking for help see what they have to offer. If you really want some more, it’s only so much. You can help you with with hundred eighty characters. You know, right? Yeah. Absolutely. Well, that all makes perfect sense. Thank you so much. We love chatting with you and learning from you and you for having read your little quiet run you away. No not at all I, there’s so much that you said that resonates with me. I mean as as somebody who identifies as a man you know I I, love your your Instagram I. Mean I was reading the post just to vote. You know being willing to try accepting your partner, encouraging your partner trying to get them to do something new and what you said today about you know, don’t be a creep like and be vulnerable like that. But you you hit the nail on the head. It’s just if you express a willingness to try something. And Your partner is receptive to it. Even if it doesn’t work, they’re going to be appreciative of the effort and that conversation is going to result probably and those organisms that you were talking about or something better happening. So I was just sitting in the sitting here, listening and learning like I. Try to do every single day and went the roll up he was laughing I was. Dying I was dying because I was thinking about as a kid I didn’t get the foot long rule ups and it’s like, I can just picture somebody like. I bought the wrong ones and it’s the sheet ones and he just slap it on you know. They were going to be here for a while. I got a lot to get. Never got the fruit wrote the long ones really. I got the wrong once. Something as a kid, I used to take the sheet ones and wrap them around my finger and create like I. Mean I never thought of it this way but it looked like a penis you were.

00:50:00 – 00:51:52

So you’d suck little thing off. Do you remember that? And I used to like Gushes I. Of Him bursting in my mouth, I should’ve known you know. Shadows. You can tell everything you need to know by the time we’re like eight years old what are we doing with our candy? And All Right. Thank you so much for having me on and honestly you guys. Social media connections are real. I remember I was so ecstatic at. Sex Now, south conference last year you shout it out my mouth masterclass and he said you were super excited about an hour never forget that you social media and people that do diem or say something about you. It is all good to me outweighs the bad and so I, just want you to know that you have no idea how. Special that made me feel. So thank you and thank you for having me on. Would never even guessed in I’m really grateful We’ll have you back any time because we learned a whole lot we have. Some things to practice, we need to go buy jump rope and by the foot. I promise us the second one but probably not the first let’s be honest. I we can do is practice more of it so that we can stay on for a couple of songs good platelets. playlist which our favorite song like the songs that you you know like. Like if you put on reality skin like Oh damn, that’s my song. You know it makes you go a little longer SURPRI. Your favorites. Love it. Love it. Thank you again. All right. You’re most welcome. I will talk to you guys do. You’re listening to the sex with Dr Jazz podcast improve your sex life, improve your life.