Like Sex with Dr. Jess on FacebookFollow Sex with Dr. Jess on InstagramFollow Sex with Dr. Jess on TwitterSubscribe to Sex with Dr. Jess's channel on YouTubeSubscribe to Sex with Dr. Jess's RSS feed
Sex with Dr. Jess


April 3, 2020

How We Manage Our Relationship in Isolation

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

We’ve been isolating at home in Toronto for 19 days now and we thought we’d share how we’re doing as a couple — what’s working and what isn’t. We talk about some of the conflicting feelings we’re experiencing and brainstorm ways to make sure we’re still feeling connected over the longer term (since this could last a while). We talk about how we respond to unsettling emotions like anxiety and share some ideas for daters who can’t connect in person. Thanks for listening.

Last Longer in Bed Banner




If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple PodcastsSpotifyPodbeanGoogle Podcasts, Amazon MusicStitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How We Manage Our Relationship in Isolation

00:00:05 – 00:05:02

You’re listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Welcome to the sex with Dr Jasser. Podcast I’m your co host Brandon. Wear here with my lovely other. Half Dr Jess how are you doing? I’m okay today I’m okay. I haven’t been having the greatest week but today I feel a little bit better. I think because the sun is released shining I heard the birds chirping next to our bedroom window. This morning Obviously I’d rather this not be are normal but it is what it you know. It is what it is right now. I know that’s annoying thing to say but yeah I’m I’m a little better today than yesterday. How are you dare? I ask there you ask I’m fine. I’m OK frustrated at a bit of anxiety as I’m sure a lot of people do right now also trying to remind myself that a lot of other people have it a whole lot worse than I do. Based on what? I’ve read happening throughout the US and you know in parts of Canada but more so in the US and feeling a little conflicted over why. I’m feeling this way yet. So weird feeling to be simultaneously grateful because we’re lucky to be in a comfortable safe home in Toronto. We don’t have to leave the house. We have plenty of groceries. And so you know you’re better off than most of the world right now you talk about the US. But if you look at at India folks who are walking hundreds of kilometers and miles to get home with nothing with no possession so you feel lucky but then also you just feel pissy. You know the other morning Kelly. Who produces this podcast? We hopped on a call. And she said how you doing today and I said you know what I feel. Pissy I just feel like I’m in a bad mood and I gotTa Tell. You saying it out loud felt so good because I’m a positive person I don’t try and be positive I just. I’m an natural optimist for better or for worse and in some ways it’s really great and in some ways. I’m sure it’s very frustrating. You know. I- i- overcommit. I ended up being late. I think I have more time than I have. I’m not always realistic. But I am generally just kinda happy like I like my life. I feel very fulfilled. I feel very thankful and and at the same time when you feel that we all the time you feel pressure to always project that and so felt really good to just say no. I’m having a Shitty Day and I was having a Shitty Day. I was feeling frustrated. Like so many of us are right now. I know that we’re feeling frustrated. So as weird my point is it’s weird to feel pissy and frustrated but also really grateful and I know you had a frustrating day. Today I had a frustrating night. Last night I waited on hold for about two and a half hours to get through an insurance company for something that were trying to rectify than I ended up waiting on. Hold for another hour and a bit this morning and again I realize that these are insignificant in the grand scheme of things but at the same time when you get cut off after having had been on hold for hours on end it makes you irritated once again. Reminding myself that in comparison with other people are dealing with it’s insignificant but still is how I feel right now honestly. There are other frustrations. Like I’m tired of being stuck in my house and I realized that this is something that will probably continue for at least another few weeks if not longer longer. Yeah and you’re tired of it but you’re also like thankful for it right. I’m very very thankful for what I have. And I think there’s a lot of all this. Uncertainty is really disrupting so many people and I can’t even imagine what it’s like if you have know stress of health or you know finances rent payments grocery like just needing to work not being able to work collaboratively with the people you do owe money to for whatever reason. Yeah or being a front line worker. A healthcare worker a grocery worker. Who’s going to work to help? Us stay safe. And then seeing other people not following the protocols so you know I think the bottom line and the reason I wanted to talk about this today is that this is a time of stress. It’s a time of uncertainty and transition and our responses to this distress really vary greatly from person to person from day to day and I think the bottom line is. Nobody’s feeling normal right now and I’m doing interview after interview on covert and its effects on dating relationships and to some degree sex and I WANNA keep reminding these writers that because nobody is feeling normal right now because everything is disrupted from our schedules to our finances to our health or fitness to our sleep that this isn’t the time to feel pressure right.

00:05:02 – 00:10:05

This isn’t the time to feel like. Oh I have to have the best relationship ever or the hottest sex ever. I think that I really want to drive home the message that hopefully you have what it takes to focus on your own wellbeing and other than pressure to perform to just. I don’t know look for ways. To maintain connections that are maybe not sexual whether it’s physical affection or thoughtful conversations or acts of kindness because despite having more time to rest. Many of us aren’t sleeping well and despite having more time to spend together many of us are feeling disconnected from our own bodies and from our partners and these feelings are intense. And it’s it’s loss it’s fear it’s grief it’s frustration and what. I really want to drive home. Is that all emotional. Reactions are normal and yes whatever. You’re so I wanted to ask you how you feeling because we’ve been together in this home for nineteen days and I feel close to you because I’m not used to being so physically close to. I noticed that night even when I roll over you Kinda Roll with me and when you roll away I mean. I don’t spoon you because you’re too massive but I my arm follows you. So how how are you feeling? I wouldn’t say that I feel any more or less close from you. I certainly feel that. We’re managing being isolated together quite well and that doesn’t surprise me. I find I get along quite well with you but I do find. I’m getting a little frustrated over some things and I’m catching myself. I’ve noticed that there are little things like dishes in the sink That have been left. Or you know where we have our podcast equipment setup and computers out there constantly out and I think because we spent the first two weeks literally going top to bottom through our hosts cleaning everything out that now that I see something out. It’s like I’ve absolve myself of any personal responsibility associated with that item and I’m getting I catch myself thinking. Oh this is frustrating me but then I’m catching myself thinking about that as saying that’s not a rational thought like think about all the other things that are happening behind the scenes that you you were probably doing for me that I’m not paying attention to so you’re frustrated that I’m leaving dishes in the sink. Only for a split second to catch myself in remind myself that there are other things that you do for instance ordering all the groceries. Which is Hella frustrating? If you’ve ever been on laws or are Canadian nursery store websites. You’re not convenient at all so you know the our avenue better the PC expressed APP by the way. If you are Canadian and you’re trying to struggle with the law Blah site or something like that go to the APP. The APP is easier. Okay so I hear you I. I’m it’s so funny you telling me here now but I should I can easily put away my dishes. If it’s like a little thing that come you come down to in the morning and it doesn’t feel good because we were clean freak sort of and our house is kind of minimalist and look if I were to finish though I said. I’m catching myself without an. I’m also recognizing that this simply has to do with the fact that there’s so much other disruption to my life right now so that’s just those are little anxieties and I’m finding myself getting bored already with the routine that I have created for myself because I do thrive in to some extent with some sense of routine throughout the day like I wake up and I get cleaned up and I make coffee and then I read the paper. I don’t read the actual paper that digital paper. I’m not one hundred seven but I read the paper and then it’s like I start my day and all of a sudden it’s noon and then all of a sudden it’s six o’clock and started. I’m still starting at seven am in the morning and it just all of a sudden noon rolls around and kind of like what did I accomplish today and that also brings me down a whole other path where I’ve been talking about in reading about the productivity element. That’s so relevant right now. Everyone’s thinking I’m Gonna I’M GONNA leave get super fit if that’s your thing right now. I’m going to start a new business right now where I’m GONNA take my business in revamp it right now and a part of what I think is like that’s amazing but maybe just take a moment to understand and to accept that you don’t have to be as productive as you want to be right this moment. I think there’s pressure to produce first of all ’cause we’re all a little free afraid financially right. We’ve all been affected. All of my speaking engagements have been canceled. You can’t get out with clients and so everybody is affected by this. I mean again with gratitude for the fact that we really are fine. But there there’s some nervousness around producing because those of us who are self employed certainly WanNa make an income make a living and so many folks lost their jobs. I saw that it’s over. Six million jobless claims in the states and I think we’re over a million in Canada and those numbers rose.

00:10:05 – 00:15:01

Yeah and we’re we’re a small country population wise so I I think that all of this change is just frustrating. And so you’re right you find yourself frustrated over a dish in the sink or but I don’t mind putting my podcast a criminal way. I want to be clear I’m not. I’m not frustrated about them. Just recognizing those frustrations seeping into my daily activities and learning to recognize them. Catch them and stop. But would you you prefer. I put my podcast equipment. Wait let me just give you the background so I leave it out because I think I’m going to extra podcast and also recording interviews every day whenever I go on like today I’ve done three interviews so record it but I don’t mind putting it away if it kind of brings you pleasure to walk down to the office and have a clean pretty office knowing what it is. I’m I thrive on some degree of control so I think being able to control my very small or seemingly smaller environment. Maybe makes me feel more comfortable so this idea that I can control how the House looks or how that looks might make me feel a little bit better. It also doesn’t hurt me and I can communicate that to you if it is bothering me but at the end of the day I can also choose. Take those five minutes and put everything away. I’m trying to think if you’re doing anything. That frustrates me When you make me a coffee in the morning it doesn’t frustrate me though you’re going to say there’s your Mac Jato isn’t isn’t too far no I so I feel like we’re getting along really well and I think we have the advantage of first of all not having kids in the house. We had to move my dad out to the corner as well. I’m not sure if I mentioned that on an earlier podcast but because we were away and we were isolating and he’s older we had to move him out. So this is the first time in ten years Boot eleven that you and I have been in our own home for over a week together alone. I don’t think we’ve ever even had five days in our own home. So there’s a novelty and a honeymoon phase that I think we’re experiencing now so that gives us you know an an advantage over other people. We don’t have children A. We are also accustomed to working from home. Oftentimes although I’m usually on the road but I’m trying to figure out and wondering if you have any insights as to why we’re getting along do you think it’s because you’re maintaining your schedule and I’m maintaining mine or because we’re able to maintain physical distance even though we don’t have a big house you’re working down in the living room and I’m working up in in our Home Office. What is it. That’s making it work for you know. I think it’s a combination of factors. I think we’ve created some some sort of a routine. I think that we more than me. Yeah no definitely me for sure. We’ve created some sort of routine. We have separation of space. I think we have the luxury of being able to be in different rooms or different levels because some people are in five hundred square feet like our Condo that my my dad is in right now. It doesn’t even have a door on the bedroom. It’s basically a junior one bedroom or bachelor and so if we were in that space it’d be really difficult because I’ll tell you I would be getting really frustrated if I heard you on the phone and I was trying to record a podcast and you can only stand outside. Make phone calls in two degree weather before you start getting frustrated. Come inside so yeah we we do that. That’s working really well. I think we’ve also been trying to shut off a little bit earlier by little bit. I mean eight o’clock instead of ten o’clock that’s something I think we could be doing better. I find that we’re I’m still scrolling through my phone. I’m pretty good about not checking on Cova constantly but I find that I’m just online scrolling after dinner and I’d rather not be because I just don’t need to see what’s happening on instagram and also I found myself started starting to limit myself to the news that I’m consuming because it’s the same thing and right now. It is generally negative that checking it multiple times throughout the day doesn’t really accomplish much other than make me feel worse like. I’m not saying be oblivious to what’s happening in the world but I’ve been reading the paper in the morning and that I’ve been reading it checking it again in the evening. I can do that earlier. I get my news Phil and then it can cut it off so you’re setting limits on your kind of digital diet especially because it’s so much bad news so I think that’s something we could do better. Maybe that’s something we could figure out right now to limit tech because we are on our phones till at least nine thirty ten o’clock at night and then were you know maybe watching a show so I don’t know if you WanNa make a commitment. I don’t WanNA pressure you but I would love to although tonight. I’m scheduled till nine PM. I’m actually going to be on a on a show but You know if I’m not on a show I would love to shut off my phone at eight thirty. Yeah that sounds great and sounds ridiculous when you really think about when you’re GonNa shut off your phone also if I were to just come in and one other thing. That’s been fun that we’ve been doing. We started playing scrabble.

00:15:02 – 00:20:08

Which thought was kind of cool? My I’m getting my ass handed to me every single time that we play because brandon words are like door store is me nuts. You do not open up the board. I actually got pissy the other night like in my head. I was like oh. He plays such little words and he’s not opening up the boards. Because you’re a scrabble champ anywhere but we’ve been trying to do different things like that and I’m starting to look into other ways that I can get away from and interact with other people online on looking again at registering for another Spanish class. I know that they’re offering them online so looking for things that I can do to connect with other people to get away from. Maybe some of the negativity. That’s out there. I knew that you’re connecting fairly regularly regularly with your friends and your family. Yeah and that’s interesting because I’m definitely more social. Virtually of course I’m not. I’m not seeing them in person but I’m more social than you and I do wonder because one of the pieces of insight that I keep offering across all the media platforms is that it’s to look for multiple sources of support at this time. Because if you’re only turning to your partner in your trapped in the House with them. That is a huge amount of emotional and practical labor that they have to do to support you and so I meet up with my friends on zoom up with the neighbors on zoom. You’re certainly talking to your staff during the day. But I don’t know that their sources of emotional support so you know I was thinking about some reminders for people at this time if you’re trapped in the House make sure that you have digital connections with other people so that one person or one unit. A family unit doesn’t become your sole source of emotional social intellectual and practical support. So I don’t know do you like. Are you talking to friends at all? I’ve reached out to a few. I think this is also a great opportunity for for for men. If you’re not connecting to your other male friends like let’s lip or friends period. Let’s breakdown some of these barriers. Let’s check in on each other. Let’s ask how we’re doing? Let’s let’s get emotional. You know what I have reached out to a couple. I’ve had a couple of conversations with people via text. Just asking how they’re doing what’s up. You know making sure okay. I could certainly do a better job of that Because I think now’s opportunity to improve communication. Well it’s funny. ’cause I video chatted your best friend the other day and then you got in on. I think it is important. That you take those initiatives on your own. Yeah of course and this is a great opportunity to start and to rekindle those those friendships. Yes so I think it’s a reminder to all of us to look for multiple sources of support I think it’s a reminder to couples to talk about how we spend our time because some of US I. I’m hearing from people where I wanna be with you all the time but you need more personal space so I think this is a good time to revisit those conversations and talk about why you want personal space. It’s not a rejection of somebody else. It’s really just about your own needs and so we need different amounts of alone time. I’m used to a certain amount of alone time because I’m living in hotels so often and I love being alone. I’m a super social person and I think that’s why I need to recover by being alone so I think this is a good time to have conversations. About how much time do you WANNA spend together? How do you want to spend that time together Do you want to socialize for example? When I was on with the neighbors the other night you came in to the zoom conversation for part of the conversation but not for the whole thing and I think it’s an important time to talk about that because people keep asking me. Well how do I tell my partner that I need personal space and I understand that? You don’t want to make them feel badly but I think it’s important to emphasize that this isn’t about being away from you. This is about either being with other people online digitally now or just about being alone on my own so this isn’t about you and then I also think a good reminder and I’ve been noticing that are physical affection is up like not only when we’re snuggling in bed or if we’re watching a show where more on top of each other or I’m on top of you. Obviously and I find that I’m I’m naturally reaching out to you like if we’re in the kitchen I just want to be close to you. I want to be held by you more. I think the truth is that I’m feeling scared. I’m feeling nervous. I feel very uncomfortable with this whole situation. And I’m lucky that I have permission or capacity or experience to just name the emotion but because I’m feeling what I’m feeling like let’s say I’m feeling anxious because I am feeling a little bit more anxious than usual and I would say I’m fairly low anxiety person but I’m lucky that I’m able to use the language of I’m feeling anxious and so I wanted to talk a little bit about my my formula and how I manage difficult feelings and it doesn’t mean that it’s your formula but mine is that I I need the emotion to myself and I might even name the feeling to you and then so number one is naming it.

00:20:08 – 00:25:02

Number two is a physical soothing of what’s happening in my body so I don’t try and fix the feeling and we’ll away anxiety but I do something in my body to soothe the physiological manifestation the physical manifestation manifestations of that feeling so I might take slow breaths. I’ve been doing more body. Scans or because. I’m so lucky to have you here. If I’m feeling anxious I’ve just been coming up and putting my head on you or hugging. You know checking my pulse again for those of you that that didn’t listen to one of the recent podcast. I woke up one day to just with her fingers on my carotid artery checking to make sure that it was still beating. GonNa Freak me out because I put my hand on your chest in my sleep and I guess I didn’t feel your pulse probably half asleep and then woke me up and I was like Oh shoot I better check as PONSA trenches. Look at anything no. I was half asleep man. I’m sort of go back to my emotional processing. Its name. The emotion do something to physically soothe and then when I do something to physically soothe. It usually lowers the experience of that negative emotion. And then I do the cognitive soothing because if I try and go straight to the cognitive soothing like cognitive behavioral approach where I think about. Okay is what you’re thinking realistic. Can I think more realistically I find that? It’s really hard to do in the beginning but if I do something like seventy brats if I- aspirin into hold me if I do a body scan if I stand up and stretch because sometimes it’s just sitting at my computer for ten to twelve hours straight. That is making me feel anxious feel like I have more work than I can handle. I think I find that the physical soothing really helps so I thought I’d I’d share that and we don’t have all the answers really just wanted to talk today a little bit. About how how we’re managing and and the way we manage certainly isn’t the way somebody else is gonNA manage but you’re right. Playing the Games has helped a little bit mostly starting to think about how what I can do proactively about the coming few weeks because I know that this is GonNa continue and rather experience them and thinking about it into recovery weeks. I’m thinking I know I’m going to be cooped up for another few weeks. What can I. What can I be doing now to lessen the effects of that so because yeah we’ve been getting along well but like I said there’s a bit of a honeymoon phase because we’ve never been in this house alone together so it’s almost like yes. It’s a transition yes. We’re nerve wracked and yes. We’re frustrated but at the same time we’ve got the novelty of something new so in a couple weeks especially to me because I get bored things really quickly. It’s not gonNa feel like a novelty anymore. So what do you think we might do differently moving forward? I mean for me on a personal level I would i. I’m going to continue doing what. Varsha our Cairo Suggested which is body. Scans I find that very helpful just to me personally. Between the two of US I think cutting off Did our digital connections Reuter would be beneficial. I also think maybe we should stop watching television in bed because we don’t have TV in a room but we carry her a little ipad in there and at night. I’m like it’s tiger time but it’s nothing sexy not at all. It’s Joe exotic skin to the exact opposite of what you want. Anyway not watching. Tv In the bedroom that that’s something that we agreed to years ago. Keep breaking the rule so that would help. I also think setting some time side throughout the day to reconnect whether that’s having lunch together The first weekend we have been doing it. I’ve gotten into again a routine of of exercising every day because I know that that’s really important. Both mentally and physically. And it’s really easy right now to find reasons or excuses not to do it because you don’t have you don’t have the equipment or the whatever it is that you normally use to get your workout in but rather than finding excuses. I’m just finding reasons to do it. And you’re working out in her basement. What are what are you have down there? Like eight square feet. I honestly have about it. It’s yeah it’s probably about five feet by six feet. Yeah the space that I have and I haven’t ceiling is low. It’s a low ceiling and I have a jump rope and I have a couple of five to twenty pound dumbbells that were being used sporadically for years and years and years. And there you go. You’re making it happen because I like the idea of lunch together. That’s something that I could really easily carve out And I you know I like to have a big meal at lunch. Not Not at night when when it’s a possibility. I’m not eating. Well I notice. I’m going hours in the day without eating in the morning which is not normal for me but I just am diving right into my work so I think that’s that’s what I would like to commit to is to eat first thing.

00:25:02 – 00:30:01

So here’s what we’ve got on our list. I eat in the morning so that I’m just feeling more like myself. We’re GONNA LIMIT TECH and turn off at eight thirty now by the way that might sound absurd to some of you. I mean everybody’s just GonNa find their own groove You might shut off at four PM depending on the type of work you do but mine is eight thirty for now. Maybe I’ll get earlier next week. We’re GONNA take the the ipad out of the room. We’re going to try and have lunch together. I was also thinking and I don’t know if this sounds cheesy to you but I’d like to do a stretch in the middle of the day just for three to five minutes because I’m sitting so long that I’m more sore than when I was standing for hours in my five NGOs like my body is killing from sitting and you know they say sitting is the new smoking so I’d love to also commit to a stretch Maybe before we make lunch like would you WanNa do that at noon? Shirtless also be realistic in terms of this long list of things because I think we both agreed in the past that when we over commit over commit and it doesn’t work out that failure can can build upon itself so I’d rather take little steps and the only one I’m not feeling so sure of is the ipod in the bed because sometimes I just love to watch a show to wind down. And and I’d like to be snuggled next to more than on the couch like our couches into snugly coach. You know what we could also look at doing though. Curbing our behaviors. We’re watching because I find that some of the stuff that we’re watching late at night is not relaxed tag a time. Yeah you’re right. We Watch Brooklyn nine nine. It’s light and we laugh but whereas if we watch some of these other shows at it can be feel a little bit more intense and actually lead to feelings of Zaidi so I think in a leave it at that I as I said I’ve been doing so many interviews on how people are managing dating and relationships during the this pandemic and I did come up with some ideas for date nights for people who are separated would you would you like to share with everyone just where we’re going with no so a couple of ideas one if you’re dating and you can’t meet up in person. Can you pick arrest not a recipe but a dish abroad dish? Like we’re GONNA make stir fry and you and your date both make stir fry but you don’t compare recipes in advance and then you see what you come up with because I might make something. That’s you know I’m Chinese obvious. I’M GONNA make a Chinese stir fry whereas I don’t know what I’m GonNa make cereal. He’s he stir fried the cheerios together. But I was thinking that’d be a cool date night. There are also a ton of games online. Now that you can play with people from afar so I notice that you can play scrabble. You can play Yahtzee. You can play a dance parties. Yeah that’s true that’s true so you can play all these different games online and just joined. House party or you did. Yeah so I if your own House Party look for me. Go to show. It’s got Maddie for that recommendation. Yeah I thank. I don’t know they told me they. I also think that for me. I find these conversations to be actually quite relaxing when we have. When I’m when when we engage in these podcasts. I feel a lot better after the podcast than I did going into the podcast. Yeah that’s interesting. ’cause you walked in here like really physiologically aroused non negative way like cortisol spikes Okay let me go back at that. That’s a good point just sitting and talking about how you’re feeling and people keep asking about like. How do we keep our kids on track? How do we manage not you know wanting to wring their necks and I say? Can you please talk to your kids about how you’re feeling? How are you feeling right? Now be honest. You don’t have to tell them everything you tell them at an age appropriate level and can you ask them how they’re feeling because that’s one thing you and I have been doing well to is our chickens and they’re not formal or anything but I have asked you when I run into at eleven. Am How you doing today. You’re good age appropriate so for me. How do you or your does your insights other ideas? Sorry to go back to it so you can make a dish together over zoom or over whatever platform using you can play monopoly scrabble. No Yahtzee Trivia or chess online. If you’re into fitness and you’re dating because I know a lot of fitness people date other fitness people Put together a short at homework out that you can kind of do together while you laughing or just taking people yelling back and forth at each other come on you can do this breaking up as a result. I’m really excited to start playing on house parties. I hope other people will check that out and I was also thinking that. If you’re newer to dating you can play twenty questions with a focus on your past present and future so I’d say twenty one questions so that you can write seven questions about your potential partners or your dates past seven about their present and seven about their futures. You can kind of start sharing daydreams for what’s to come when we finally settle into questions. I knew normal. Yeah that’s that’s actually a good point because some people have asked me.

00:30:01 – 00:32:47

Is this a good time to be having heavy conversations and I think it depends on your level of distress? So if you’re some of us are not in great distress like I can say my stress levels. Aren’t that bad. I’m frustrated but I’m not. I’m not really struggling. Is the truth. I had a bad day on Tuesday but those happen once in a while so I might be really comfortable to sit down with you brandon and for example. Go over one of the the monogamy questionnaires from my block. I be comfortable with that right now now. I know we’ve already done it so it makes it easier but other people are really stressed. You know folks if you if you’ve lost your job if one of you has lost your job in the other is busy with their job. That can be a really difficult dynamic to manage and so I guess you know I’m verbose and I. I’m not a suspect as I could be. I think this is just a time to yourself yourself. Speak Easy on yourself. Easy on your partner. Laugh be open to hearing their frustrations but also recognizing that you know our feelings our own so I you leave with a little bit of insight with regard to changes that you might make of course your changes will be different than ours or your resolutions and also the piece I really want to emphasize is the emotional processing my processes. I name the feeling I do something to make it. Feel better in my body I before I try and work on it in my mind and there are some really great apps out there for. Cbt cognitive behavioral therapy if if people are interested In kind of working that on that on their own. And if you’re feeling stuck there are a ton of therapists who have taken their therapy practice online and if you need a referral please reach out to me and I can try and help you with someone. Who’s a good fit. So we’ll stop there brandon. Thanks for chatting you feel better. I feel better for real. I always feel better after these. Podcasts gives me an opportunity to dive into to my mind. Sorry for sharing with everyone. Now I think just slowing down for US ray when we’re talking and we’re not on the PODCAST. I think we talked too quickly. You’re we just have a lot to talk about. We do but I I actually think this is a good model for us to maybe even slow our pace of conversation so that I don’t know when we’re talking and not being recorded we can get just as much of a group. Yeah that’s great. So thanks babe you thanks to you for listening wherever you’re at. I hope you’re having a half decent week. I hope you’re hanging in there. If you need help with resources please do reach out and Yeah thanks for. Thanks for listening. Thanks for sharing and subscribing. Hope you have a really nice or at least a manageable weekend ahead of you. You’re listening to the sex with Dr Jazz podcast. Improve your sex life improve your life.