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Sex with Dr. Jess


October 16, 2019

10 Ways To Increase Your Chances of Orgasm

Hot sex and earth-shattering orgasms don’t always come naturally — most of us have to do a bit of learning along the way and it can be a lifelong process. I was recently interviewed on the topic and the journalist asked for a few tips on how to have an orgasm, which I’ve shared below:

1. Play with running water. Many of my clients who have never experienced orgasm, learn to do so with the help of a detachable shower head. Their water bills may soar, but it’s a small price to pay for mind-blowing orgasms. Run it over your vulva, clit, backside and nipples and experiment with hot and cold to see how your body responds. The possibilities are endless! Just be sure to avoid spraying a stream of water directly into the vagina.

You might also want to check out the Waterslyde and the Femme Fountain if you’re into water play — not to be confused with water sports.

2. Hump furniture. If you emulate what you see in porn — jackhammering, fingering, smacking and rubbing like a scratch-n-sniff sticker, you might find orgasms rather elusive. Sometimes, you just need to get down to the nitty gritty and rub yourself against a firm rounded surface like the arm of your sofa, a firm pillow or a lounge chair. It may not make for a great porn scene for the average viewer (unless they’re into authentic pleasure!), but it may help you to discover a new path to orgasm.

3. Try the CAT. The coital alignment technique is a common favorite (if you have sex with penises or strap-ons), as it allows you to simultaneously squeeze his shaft between your thighs, grind your clitoris against your partner’s pelvis bone and feel their fullness inside of you. The penetrative partner lies on top in missionary, but shifts their body upward, so that the lower partner can grind against their pelvic bone. They can squeeze their legs together or wrap their feet around their ankles to find a happy rhythm.

4. Or try the Snake: you lie on your stomach and your lover lies on top to slide inside from behind. (This works for a penis, a toy, fingers or a strap-on.) You slide a vibrating toy or a finger between your pelvis and the mattress and use the weight of your bodies to rock your clitoris against it. The We-Vibe Touch works well for this one, because its shape wraps around you and it’s wide enough to stimulate your clitoris and your pubic mound.

5. Wear the Pivot. This app-enabled We-Vibe toy provides powerful, rumbly and direct stimulation to the clitoris and has lead to multiple orgasms for folks across the globe. Save 5% on the Pivot and Touch with code DRJESS at 

6. Make noise! Research indicates that our copulatory vocalizations (the sounds we make during sex) don’t always correspond to our own pleasure – we actually make sounds to please our partners as opposed to ourselves. Ditch this practice and allow yourself to let loose with your moans, screams and purrs to help make your own experience more authentic and pleasurable. Open wide and let it all out. Your coos, whines and grunts will help bring you both over the edge.


7. Fantasize. Sexual response originates in the brain, so even if your body is getting what it needs, you’ll want to draw your mind in too for the complete experience. It’s not cheating to dream about Tyson Beckford, Eva Longoria or that hot barista who serves you coffee in the morning. In fact, if it turns you on and you eventually share your fantasies with your lover, it can deepen your connection with one another. From being tied up to flogging a group of friends, anything goes when it comes to fantasy.

Who knows!? You might be a part of the estimated one percent who can have hands-free orgasms from fantasy alone!

8. Breathe deeply! Holding your breath can impeded orgasm. Try breathing in rhythm with your pumping or stroking. When you reach orgasm, exaggerate your breathing (longer inhales and exhales) to prolong the climax and intensify your body’s delightful spasms.

9. Masturbate! Most of us experience our first orgasm during solo sex, so take some time to learn about your unique bodily responses so you can teach your partner how to please you too. Touch, tickle, pinch, rub and hump to your heart’s content. No one is watching, so you can concentrate on you, you, YOU!

10. Use the pussy pocket during all types of sex: place your palm on your pubic mound and wrap your fingers around your vulva to create a pocket. Rub, grind, press, pulse and stroke while you squeeze your legs together to create extra friction and tension.

To take your pleasure and skills to the next level, check out our online videos: Drive Your Lover Wild With Pleasure!