August 26, 2019
How To Give A Mind-Blowing Blow Job
Before we get started, I want to direct you to an even better article about how to pleasure the clitoris and vulva. No bias here, I swear. OK — maybe I’m a little biased. I just love vulval pleasure!
But back to the topic at hand…
If you want to give the best blow job ever, my best advice to is talk to your partner about your desires and ask them to share theirs.
A rich body of research and a small dose of common sense reveals that talking about sex makes for better sex — no surprise.
Unfortunately, most of us are more comfortable having sex than talking about it.
But I want to talk about it. And I want you to talk about it. Because the uncomfortable conversations are often the most fruitful ones. And talking about sex often leads to sex and apparently people like sex.
Beyond the importance of open, non-judgmental communication, consider these practical approaches and techniques:
1. Be selfish. Focus on your pleasure rather than your performance. It’s great to be a generous lover, but you’ll likely find that you both derive more pleasure from the experience if you allow pleasure to supersede performance. One way to focus on your own pleasure (and your partner’s) involves using a blindfold — visual deprivation can heighten the sense of touch and lead to a more mindful experience. Alternatively, you might take turns pleasing one another so you can learn to be a taker, which is just as important as being a giver or wear a vibrating toy that gets you all riled up. When you’re aroused, you might find that your gag reflex relaxes, your rhythm and stroke become more natural (primal) and your enthusiasm soars. There may be nothing hotter than looking down at an enthusiastic lover whose hands and mouth are full and active.
2. Rile them up s-l-o-w-l-y. Anticipation is not the precursor to pleasure — it is the experience of pleasure in and of itself.
Research suggests that dopamine levels are higher when you’re anticipating a reward than when you actually receive it. And when the reward is unpredictable (e.g. a monkey gets a treat for pressing a button an undermined number of times versus consistently receiving the treat for pushing it three times), dopamine levels double. The takeaway is that giving your partner exactly what they want may be less pleasurable than teasing, building tension and alluding to pleasure.
Bonus: oftentimes the teasing techniques (e.g. breath kisses, two tongues) require less physical exertion.
3. Interlace your fingers and use two hands.
This is the hand-job to end all blow jobs: lather two hands in lube (twice as much as you’re normally inclined to use) and wrap both hands around the shaft with your fingers interlaced. Stroke with firm pressure (you can use a tighter grip if you use a generous amount of lube) and a little extra squeeze at the very bottom of the shaft. Attach your interlaced hands to your mouth to create a tunnel and suck and stroke away to your heart’s content.
4. Use lube!
Adding a few drops of your lube to your oral routine will change the way you look at – and more importantly, experience – blow jobs. I use a tiny bit of Astroglide Natural on my upper lip when performing The Tight Tunnel (see below) and my clients use lube on their fingers to “lick” the shaft (wet fingers can feel just like tongues) and weave the fantasy of enjoying several lovers simultaneously.
5. Pulse.
Orgasm involves pleasurable contractions in the pelvic region as a result of smooth muscle contraction in the testes, seminal vesicles and prostate. To stimulate and intensify these contractions, try squeezing your lips or fingers at the base of the penis in a pulsing sensation with each stroke. Alternatively, you can pulse a few fingers against the B-spot (see below) with firm pressure right before and during orgasm.
6. Try the Tight Tunnel technique.
If your penis likes a lot of pressure and intense suction, use your teeth (padded by your wet lips and tongue) to clamp the penis tightly as you suck. Use your tongue to cover your lower teeth and wrap your upper lip around your upper teeth (you’ll need lube for this!) so that you can squeeze the penis in between. Suck and squeeze to your heart’s content.
This one takes a little practice, but it’s worth it. Try it on your finger now — unless you’re on the bus, in which case you should wait until you get home.
- Stick your tongue out just enough to cover your lower teeth
- Place one finger on your tongue
- Put a few drops of lube on your upper lip
- Roll you upper lip around your upper teeth and clamp down as you slide up and down your finger
7. Try The Game-Changer technique.
If you find oral sex physically tiring, this is the move for you: suck with enthusiasm as you normally would, but use your thumb and index finger to pinch your lips around the penis so that your face can relax and your fingers do all the work to create a tight grip. Your mouth remains in contact with the penis the whole time, but your fingers create the pressure (and do “the work”) as they pinch your lips together from the outside.
8. Stimulate the B-Spot.
The inner bulb (B-spot) of the penis can be one of the most reactive parts of the body — it includes extensions of the corpora cavernosa, which fill with blood during erection, and the crura of the penis, which are homologous to the sensitive clitoral legs. The sensitive corpus spongiosum which surrounds the urethra and forms the very sensitive head of the penis also extends into this area and is covered by the bulbospongiosus muscle.
To stimulate the B-spot, press against the perineum just behind the balls. Try using a few fingers with firm pressure to press, stroke or slide firmly in rhythm with some enthusiastic sucking action along the shaft.
9. Be mindful.
Pay attention to how you’re feeling instead of what you’re doing. Take note of the texture, temperature and feel of your lover’s skin. Tune into the sounds of your breath. Breathe more slowly to enjoy every scent and inhale and exhale deeply as you allow your mouth and body to experience every last sensation. Don’t worry about what you look like or how your lover is feeling — focus on your own feelings so you remain in the moment and soak in the benefits of sexual presence and authenticity.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. If you really want to enjoy oral sex, check out the Drive Him Wild With Pleasure webinar (almost as good as the Drive Her Wild With Pleasure webinar) to learn more from the comfort of your home.
And if you want to revolutionize the way you approach physical touch and sensual pleasure, consider the Mindful Sex Online Course which addresses breathing, visualization, intrusive thoughts and a range of non-sexual (and sexual) touch techniques and exercises.
If you made it this far, you deserve a treat. Use code JESSBLOG for a 10% discount on online courses today.
