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Sex with Dr. Jess


February 13, 2019

Are Canadian Daters Too Picky?

More Canadians are single this Valentine’s Day and while some are single by choice, others report having difficulty dating and finding a compatible partner. Jess joined Carolyn and Jeff on Global TV’s The Morning Show to discuss this topic and share insights on how we can adjust our attitudes to improve our chances of finding love.

Check out the video replay and Jess’ notes below.

1. Why do so many daters say that it’s difficult to connect in the Canadian dating market?

Canadians can be shy and in large urban centres, we struggle to connect with new folks — not just potential dates, but friends and social contacts in general. As we delay and opt out of marriage, we’re more likely to live alone (28% of Canadians live alone)

Research suggests that loneliness is a health threat across the country. Loneliness is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, irritability and even heart disease and stroke.

2. Are daters too picky?IMG_1147

It’s good to selective, but if you keep running into the same dating patterns, you want to consider whether or not it’s your approach that’s holding you back.

Research suggests that daters are picky about the clothing a date wears — 54% of women, in particular, say that the clothing a date wears can be a deal breaker. Others won’t go on a second date if you’re a vegetarian (one survey found that 30% of meat eaters refuse to date someone who doesn’t eat meat) and 35% are turned off by a date who isn’t knowledgable about food.

Having said that, because we are surrounded by so many stimuli and so much data, it’s natural to look for cues to see if a potential partner might be a good fit for your lifestyle and relationship values. An survey found that Canadians tend to associate different car types with specific relationship intentions. If you drive a sedan, you’re more likely to viewed as relatable and open to commitment. SUV drivers are seen as attractive and long-term relationship material. If you drive a sports car, 60% of people believe that you’re just looking for a fling. But the same survey data suggests that millennials, for example, who view their relationships as stable, might turn to a sports car as a way to embrace a little excitement; it doesn’t mean that they’re not committed to a relationship – simply that they’re looking for a thrilling outlet. And aren’t we all?

3. How can you be more open to dating?

  • Go into each date with the intention of learning something new, discovering an alternative view or gaining a unique insight as opposed to evaluating whether or not you’re a good fit right away. It’s normal to make associations and assumptions based on first impressions, but be open to allowing your interpretations to evolve.
  • Focus on how you’re feeling on a date as opposed to assessing your date and checking or crossing items off your wish list.
  • Don’t get hung up on chemistry from the onset; you can develop chemistry over time.

4. If you’re single this Valentine’s Day, how can you celebrate (if you want to do so)?

Volunteer, make dinner plans with a parent or an older person who lives alone, and if you want the Hallmark Valentine’s Day experience, make plans for a Valentine’s Day dinner for one of your couple friends. Surprise them with a dinner for three (hopefully they’ll be happy to have you and appreciate your making the plans) and let them pay.

5. And any last minute tips for couples?

  • Celebrate tonight instead of tomorrow when the restaurants are packed.
  • If you need a last minute gift, consider a cookbook with pages marked off for the dates you’ll make specific meals.
  • Rather than making plans for Valentine’s, why not carve out 6 specific dates and times for spending time together over the next three months. You can plan specific dates (like going to a Rage Room) or book a sitter in advance and simply enjoy some alone time.