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Sex with Dr. Jess


October 30, 2015

Adults-Only, Clothing-Optional Resort FAQ

As a sexologist, I have one of the best jobs in the world. I am blessed to travel to far away lands, meet with fascinating people and share my adventures with a community of open minded friends. One of the best parts of my job involves working at clothing-optional, adult-only resorts like Desire Riviera Maya and Desire Pearl in Mexico. Though I have a blast hosting retreats at these resorts, I know that many of my followers are perplexed by the idea of a clothing-optional, erotic-themed vacation. I receive hundreds of questions every month about what really goes down on the beach, at the pool, in the jacuzzi and even in the restaurants. It’s clear that people are simultaneously nervous, enticed and sometimes misinformed about the experience, so I’ve gathered the most frequently asked questions below and asked real-life resort guests to help out with the answers.

Enjoy and please feel free to be in touch if you have any other questions!

FAQ: Do I have to be naked?

“No, there are a few people who prefer to keep their swimsuit on. I have seen a couple of women with lovely thongs.” – Stephanie, Montreal

“No, you do not. In fact, you have a mix of naked men, men with swimsuits on, naked women, women with tops and bottoms and women topless.  It’s all about being comfortable with how you want to be.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“Remember it’s an option & not a requirement. Pool & entertainment staff are required to be dressed at all times so you are never alone if you wish to not go naked.” – Brian & Kath, Vancouver

“Absolutely not. It is clothing optional and there is no pressure at all.” – Sean & Hanna, Toronto 

FAQ: Will I be uncomfortable if I decide to wear clothes?

“Absolutely not.  As stated, there is a mixture of clothed and nude.  All depends on the person’s comfort and no one cares either way.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“Maybe, but no one ogles or judges. You will soon find that wearing your smile is more important than a bathing suit.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

FAQ: What is the difference between clothing optional and nude?

“With clothing optional, it’s exactly that.  You can be as covered as you want or be completely nude.  Required nude is just that, everyone is nude.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“Clothing Optional” means that you can be dressed or nude in designated areas – it’s your choice. Many first timers prefer clothing-optional locations because it gives them a chance to “ease” out of their clothes. At a Nude or Nudist resort you are expected to be out of your clothes completely in the designated areas.  Desire Resorts offers a clothing-optional experience.” – Desire Resorts

FAQ: Should I bring outfits for every theme night?

“This is your vacation, you may have only a couple of outfits you like, bring them along and you will see how you feel. It is a rather delightful ritual to take a shower before dinner, put on some make up and pick a nice dress with shoes you do not get to wear every day. Dolling yourself up for your mate is a pleasure and Desire is all about pleasures. Some theme nights may inspire you more than others but if the fancy strikes, you will find that the resort boutique is very well stocked for last minute purchases.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“You don’t have to bring outfits for each themed night but it is always fun to dress up and play along so why not!!” – Jesse & Jenny,  Mercersburg

“On our resort websites you will find a “Nightly Entertainment” tab with all the necessary information regarding our theme nights.  We strongly encourage our couples to dress the part, after all how often do you get to play out your fantasies in an uninhibited environment?” – Desire Resorts

FAQ: I don’t look like the people in the ads. Will I be comfortable at Desire?

“Big boobs, teeny tiny ones, muscular bodies, round and supple, all body types and all ages are well represented at Desire. Most women come back with a renewed sense of confidence in their bodies.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“Yes, of course you will be comfortable.  There are people of all shapes and sizes and fitness levels.  No one is judgmental at all.  That is one of the reasons why we love Desire so much. It’s the like minded sexy atmosphere and attitude.” – Brent & Dani, Atlantabrent and dani

FAQ: Any advice on starting a conversation with other guests?

“Ask if it’s their first time! Works every time :)” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“Big smiles & wave of the hand to acknowledge, eye contact or a kind compliment can go a long way to making people feel comfortable with you.

“Participating in day time activities in and around the pool is also a nice ice breaker. Arriving early for the evening entertainment and complimenting others on their outfits is a great way to get chatting. It’s easy to make fast friends at Desire Resorts as most guests are friendly & outgoing.” – Brian & Kath, Vancouver

“Take the initiative and go introduce yourselves to other couples.  Remember this is no different from any other introduction. “Hi, how are you? I’m (John), and this is my wife (Jill).”  It is also very comfortable to ask people where they are from, or how long have they been involved in the LS, etc.  A big no, no, is starting off the conversation talking about sex.  Let your conversation flow naturally.” – Desire Resorts

FAQ: Are there any rules I should be aware of?

“No means no. Respect is of the utmost importance.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“Yes the posted rules on the website, are part of your check-in package and located at key places around the resort. Besides the published rules we have some others. #1 for us is the don’t be a creeper by staring, leering, gawking or pointing. Go ahead and appreciate the lovely bodies you are surrounded by but try to contain your enthusiasm.#2 for us “only yes means yes”. #3 is make no assumptions & have no expectations of us to be playful with you if you see us that way with others. It’s not open season for all & we are very selective in who we have extra fun with.”  – Brian & Kath, Vancouver

“The event staff is really good at giving you any rules if there are any, and if you are playing the pool games. The obvious rule is respect. Don’t do something to someone that you would not want done to yourself.” – Jesse & Jenny, Mercersburg

“So that all guests may fully enjoy their Desire Resort experience, we ask you to respect the following guidelines:

  • Photos with cameras, cellphones or videotaping in public areas is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.
  • Please refrain from overt sexual activities in public areas.
  • Please treat all guests with utmost respect, and remember the Golden Rule: “NO” means “NO.”
  • Due to the nature of our resort, our Jacuzzi Lounge & Sin Room are couples-only areas.
  • Appropriate attire is required in all restaurants.”

– Desire Resorts

FAQ: What if I am on my period?

“No big deal.  My wife has a diaphram that she fits over her cervix and it’s like a “cork”…LOL…nothing gets out.  Just used feminine products to protect no leakage and wear bikini bottoms.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“Not a problem and there are a variety of solutions available to stay active in & around the pool or hot tub.  Trust us as this happens almost every time we travel.  Soft cups from or something comparable is an effective solution.  The resort store has a variety of feminine protection for those who arrive without.” – Brian & Kath, Vancouver

“Since the resort is a clothing optional resort, it is perfectly normal to see women walking around in a bathing suit or just with their bottoms on.” – Jesse & Jenny, Mercersburg

“My girlfriend taught me a trick for tampon users: Cut the string so that it doesn’t hang out and then you can rock out naked even when you’re on your period!” Dr. Jess

FAQ: What should men do if they get an erection?

“I cover up with a T shirt when tanning and yes it has happened to me. Its not acceptable to touch yourself so “down boy”.  However it’s a consequence of being surrounded by beautiful people so it might give rise to an opportunity for you & your partner to go fool around.” – Brian & Kath, Vancouverdescorp-color

“Depends on how you got the erection, if it is for the right reasons, use it!!  Otherwise, just excuse yourself discreetly.  I don’t really think an erection will offend anyone!” – Jesse & Jenny, Mercersburg

“Nothing to worry about!  It happens to the best of us, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about.  We recommend that you just roll over on your stomach for a while, or cover up with a towel until the “situation” subsides.” – Desire Resorts

FAQ: Will we be encouraged to swing?

“No, not at all.  People are not pushy at all.  Especially if they understand the lifestyle.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“The resort is not technically a ‘swinger’ resort so there are lots of people at the resort who are not lifestyle or who are at different stages of the lifestyle.  The swingers will ask if you are lifestyle or interested in the lifestyle, but no one will pressure you to do anything you do not want to do.” – Jesse & Jenny, Mercersburg

“We have never felt pressured by anyone at Desire to do anything we didn’t want to do. We have been over 10 times and have always had an unforgettable experience.”- Sean & Hanna, Toronto

FAQ: If we are not into the swinging lifestyle but don’t want to always say “no”, what do we do?

“You will not have to say no per se. Swingers are also lovely people who may just want to chat with like-minded adults.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“Stop hanging out in the playroom at the disco is probably a good start.  Ha ha!  Actually we have not seen people asked outright & repeatedly when they are not showing interest, as most others recognize that there needs to be some strong signals before asking.  If a couple is not indicating that they are interested, then it is not very likely that they will be asked.” – Brian & Kath, Vancouver

“You don’t have to be in the lifestyle to go to Desire. There are many nudists and also people who just like being in a sexually charged environment.” – Sean & Hanna, Toronto

“Do only what you are comfortable with.  No one is going to push you.  It’s a judgment free zone and everyone is there to have fun.  If you don’t feel like partaking, if it perfectly fine to sit it out.” – Jesse & Jenny, Mercersburg

“In the swinger lifestyle “no thank you” is both polite and honest.  There is no need to go into explanations, if you are not interested just say no.” – Desire Resorts

FAQ: Is there a lot of sex going on openly?unnamed (1)

“Sex is not permitted in public areas. However, our resorts have designated areas such as our Jacuzzi Lounge and Sin Room where couples can openly engage in sexual encounters.” – Desire Resorts

“Only around the jacuzzi and in the play room at the disco. Otherwise you will not see nor hear people having sex, unless you stick your ear to rooms’ doors, you naughty naughty! But you will see a lot of couples kissing and cuddling all over the resort, all the time.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“There is some by the jacuzzi lounges in the beds and in the disco play rooms, but other than that no.  It’s not “in your face” all the time.  If you want to find it, you can and it will probably be in someone’s room.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

FAQ: Why come to Desire over any other clothing-optional resort?

“Because you like the best in everything. Best food, best amenities, best service.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“We go to Desire because of the staff, the food, and the sexy atmosphere.  Even though we go fully nude the entire time by the pool/beach, we like that it is optional.  Some of the same staff has been there every year we’ve been (8 years in a row). The food is top notch and always good.  The drinks are wonderful. But, it is mainly the atmosphere and staff. They are great.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“The sexy vibe, romantic ambiance, professional staff, exotic dining, a focus on couples reconnecting, and the chance to immerse your lover in erotic adventure. ” – Brian & Kath, Vancouver

“We have been on tons of vacations and Desire by far is the most upscale, classy and cleanest resort we have ever been to.” – Sean & Hanna, Toronto

“Desire Resorts are the pioneer resorts of the adult only, couples-only, clothing-optional concept in the Mexican Caribbean. Our small, boutique-like resorts are the perfect options for those seeking to enjoy freedom from conventional environments, with a sexy and sensual atmosphere, making them the perfect choice for a mind-blowing vacation in a privileged location.” – Desire Resorts 

FAQ: Are photographs allowed on the resort?

“There is a photographer at the resort who can make a beautiful album of your couple. It can be as naughty or romantic as you want.” – Stephanie, Montreal 

“Photos with cameras, cellphones or videotaping in public areas are STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.” – Desire Resorts

FAQ: What is the security like on the property?

“There is security in the lobby and always out by the beach. You can find them if you need them but they are not always visible.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“Excellent and with a large staff who are mindful of their guest’s privacy, the security is there but not with a highly visible uniform presence or authoritative way.” – Brian & Kath, Vancouver 

“There is a privately contracted security company on the premises 24-hours a day.” – Desire Resorts


FAQ: What is the dress code like in restaurants?

“Dress to impress, dress to feel gorgeous, dress for you and your mate.” – Stephanie, Montreal

“The dress code varies based on the restaurant.  It’s from very casual (buffet) to very formal.  Just no nudity when eating.” – Brent & Dani, Atlanta

“In the evenings it is elegant & sexy.  The ladies are glamorous & the guys try hard to keep up. Dress pants & shoes with a nice shirt for the men compliments a ladies sexy dress or outfit.” – Brian & Kath, Vancouver

“The dress code in the restaurants is casual for the most part.  Women are usually wearing dresses and men wearing linen pants or khakis.  Nothing super formal.” – Jesse & Jenny, Mercersburg

“Clothing is NOT optional in any of our restaurants.  For dress code information, click on your desired hotel: Desire or Desire Pearl” – Desire Resorts