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Sex with Dr. Jess


July 28, 2014

Choose Your Own (Penetrative) Adventure

Hey, folks!

Check out this awesome guide to finding a dildo that’s right for you, created by A Woman’s Touch. The quiz format makes it extra reader-friendly, and Dr. Myrtle offers some helpful insight on the dildo’s many forms and uses.

Strap harness with pink dildo

To help you choose a dildo, answer these questions.

Use your answers to these questions to help you choose a dildo that will best meet your unique need for comfort and desire for pleasure. Although some people choose to share their dildos and cover them with condoms, most people find that they prefer certain shapes or materials and want to have a dildo of their very own. Having TWO or more dildos for different purposes (or partners) is OK, too!

1. How many fingers do you like having inside of you when you’re aroused ?

____ fingers

2. What length would you prefer?

Longer: I want something easy to hold onto, with extra length I can choose whether or not to insert fully.
Medium long: something in the middle is just right.
Shorter: I dislike deep penetration, and know that I will not need the extra length to hold on to.

3. Will you be using it for thrusting, filling, or internal massage?

Thrusting (consider a silicone dildo with a moderate to firm consistency)
Filling, and I prefer softer material (consider a flexible material such as soft silicone or elastomer)
Filling, and I prefer firmer material (consider a firm silicone, lucite, glass, wood, or stainless steel dildo)
Internal massage (consider a smooth, hard material such as lucite, glass, wood, or stainless steel)

4. Do you want lots of friction, or not as much friction?

Lots, please (choose a more textured, ridged, or bumpy shape made from silicone)
Not so much (choose a smooth surfaced dildo, and consider a low-friction material like lucite, glass or stainless steel)

5. Will you be using it vaginally, anally, or both?

Vaginally (you can choose any style)
Anally (choose a dildo with a flared base, and consider something with a smooth, straight shape)
Both (be sure to cover it with condoms to avoid transferring bacteria from the rectum to the vagina)

6. Do you want to stimulate the pelvic plexus nerves or the male prostate?

Yes, pelvic plexus stimulation (choose something at least 4” long with a curve at the tip)
Yes, prostate stimulation (consider a curved toy with a flared base, or any of the Aneros prostate massagers)
Neither (pick something shorter and/or straighter)
Maybe (experimentation is the mother of satisfaction)

7. Will it be hand-held or used in a harness?

Hand-held (although flared bases are easier to hold onto, you can choose any shape)
Harness (choose a dildo with a flared base so that it can attach to a harness, and consider a longer dildo)
Both (a toy with a flared base will keep your options open)

8. Do you want all of your accessories to match?

You choose! It’s your toy collection.

World's oldest dildo

World’s oldest dildo

Dildos are the oldest sex toys known to humans, with the earliest on record dating back to 5000 BC. Dildos are available in many shapes and sizes because people’s desires come in many shapes and sizes. Although generally used for vaginal penetration, dildos can also be used for anal or oral penetration. All dildos can be hand-held, but some are especially designed to be held on the body (or a chair) by a harness.

Here are some ways that people use dildos:

• Women use dildos during self-pleasuring when they want the feeling of vaginal penetration.

• Women and men use dildos for anal penetration during self-pleasuring.

• Women use dildos to penetrate female or male partners.

• Women use dildos to therapeutically massage their vaginal walls, to keep them healthy, or bring them back to health.

• Men use dildos with female or male partners to provide penetration independent of an erection.

We generally recommend silicone dildos because they are flexible, easy to clean, nearly indestructible, and will warm to body temperature as you use them. People who are allergic to latex rubber can use silicone without experiencing an allergic reaction. Lucite, glass, wood and stainless steel dildos share many of the same features as silicone, but are inflexible (which can be great for directing firm stimulation right where you like it), and warm more slowly.

We don’t sell or recommend plastic jelly dildos because they are made with “phthalates”, which are chemicals that are linked to cancer and reproductive problems. For more information about phthalates, please visit our website.

To pick the dildo that’s right for you, consider the following questions. You don’t have to know all the answers, but the clearer you are about what you’re hoping for, the easier your choice will be.

1. How many fingers do you like having inside of you when you’re aroused? (This helps you choose a width.)

For most people, the dildo’s width is more sexually important than its length—you can choose to insert the dildo to whatever depth you find comfortable, but you can’t change the toy’s width. If you’re in our store, compare the width of your fingers to the demos on our shelves. If you’re shopping online, refer to the finger-width equivalents and/or the exact measurements in our product descriptions.

2. Which length will work best for you?

If you’re in doubt about which length might be right, consider getting one a bit on the longer side—if it’s too long, you can always choose not to insert it fully. Plus, a longer dildo will be easier to hold onto during use. If you will use the toy in a harness, plan on losing 1/2” of the dildo’s length.

3. Do you want thrusting, filling, or internal massage?

If you enjoy vigorous thrusting, you’ll need a dildo with a moderate to firm consistency. Some dildos are soft and squishy, making them comfortable for filling and slow movements, but too flexible for quick thrusting. Other dildos, such as those made of glass, lucite, metal, and wood, are inflexible, making them suitable for filling, slow movements and massage, but not vigorous thrusting.

4. Will it be used vaginally, anally, or both?

If you are using a toy anally, make sure that it has a flared base to keep it from getting lost in the colon. If you want an anal toy for thrusting, look for something smooth and straight—a toy with ridges or a large curve can harm the sphincter with vigorous thrusting. If you plan to use a toy both anally and vaginally, be sure to cover it with a condom (an unlubricated condom for silicone toys) each time to avoid transferring bacteria from the rectum to the vagina.

5. Do you want your vaginal opening and walls stimulated a lot (lots of friction), or not (little friction)?

If you want a lot of stimulation, consider a dildo with ridges or swirls along the shaft. Some silicone designs provide strong sensations at the opening of the vagina when moved in and out, as do some of the other deeply ridged options. If you prefer less friction or have trouble with too much sensitivity at the vaginal opening, consider a dildo with a straighter shape, and/or a lower-friction material, such as lucite, glass, or stainless steel.

6. Do you want to stimulate the pelvic plexus nerves?

If so, choose a firm dildo with a slight curve designed to hit those sensitive spots against the front wall of the vagina. If you don’t enjoy vaginal stimulation of the pelvic plexus nerves, choose a dildo with very little curve. For more information on the pelvic plexus, visit our website, give us a call, or stop in our store.

7. Do you want prostate stimulation?

If so, keep in mind that the rectum curves about 3-5 inches into the body, so you’ll want a curved dildo, or one that’s flexible enough to bend around the curve in the rectum. Another option would be the firm plastic Aneros toys, which are specifically designed to massage the prostate, but are not harness compatible. Make sure you choose a toy with a flared base so that it does not get lost in the colon.

8. Will it be hand-held or used in a harness?

A hand can control the depth of penetration pretty well; a harness makes it more difficult to gauge how deeply you are penetrating your partner. Women and men who dislike deep penetration might want to use a shorter dildo. Keep in mind, though, that if you use the dildo in a harness, you will lose about half an inch of the dildo’s length, so size accordingly. We recommend using the dildo in your hand first, so you get a good sense of how deeply you and/or your partner like to be penetrated. The person being penetrated should communicate their desires and comfort level with depth of penetration and amount of thrusting.

P.S. This is your toy! Don’t be too concerned about what anyone else will think if you buy a particular color, shape, or size. It’s your toy and your pleasure—choose what you like!

Thank you, A Woman’s Touch, for bearing in mind safety, comfort and pleasure while providing these helpful tips!