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Sex with Dr. Jess


November 14, 2013

Test Your Sex IQ: R.A.C.K.


You’ve read Fifty Shades of Grey, taken a few good sex workshops and experimented with blindfolds, restraints and hot wax. But have you taken the time to discuss the concept of R.A.C.K with your lover(s)? If so, we’d love to hear your thoughts. If not, please read through this non-exhaustive explanation and consider talking to your partner(s) about what kinky sex means to you.

The following is an excerpt from my new book, The Little Book of Kink:

R.A.C.K. stands for risk-aware, consensual kink and this basic phrase outlines two of the essential components of kink while recognizing that there is some risk inherent to all sex play.

For kinky sex to be considered risk-aware, all parties involved must understand and acknowledge the potential negative outcomes of the proposed activity. These risks are ideallydiscussed ahead of time — not in the heat of the moment when sexual tension is already building. It is important to address the measures you plan to take to minimize risk when your mind is clear and your judgment isn’t clouded by desire or other distractions.

To be considered consensual, all parties involved must be capable of expressing their explicit and informed consent. The absence of protestation does not amount to consent and the clearest way to secure consent is to ask. Similarly, the most straightforward way to provide consent is to offer an enthusiastic and genuine “Yes!”.

Consent is a cornerstone of all kinky activities and you should ask for consent every single time you play with a partner. Do not assume that because a lover wanted to be tied up and rough-handled last Saturday night, that they also want to be bound and spanked next Thursday morning. You always have the right to withdraw your consent at any time without explanation regardless of what you may have agreed upon in the past.