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Sex with Dr. Jess


October 18, 2012

How To Get What You Want

How to get what you want

“I’ll never have a sexual life like other women.”

“I’m too wounded to have a good sexual life or relationship.”

“It’s just not in the cards for me.”

“Everyone else is fixable—but me.”

“My perfect relationship just doesn’t exist.”

I hear these things all the time from people—women, especially. People often go to a place of disbelief about having what they really desire because on some level it’s safer to believe they just can’t have it. If they just accept that they can’t really have what they want, they don’t have to do anything different, challenge themselves anew and risk the possibility of it being true. So they just decide it’s inevitable.

It’s only true if you believe it to be.

You create your life, every minute of every day.

This scarcity belief is a way to protect the self from further hurt and it keeps you small. If this sounds like you or someone you know, you probably come by this pattern in an honest way, probably from your family of origin. You learned not to ask for too much, or you took in some idea of your own unworthiness. You heard “no” a lot and it reinforced that you can’t have what you want. It was so ingrained that you began to truly believe it. If you can’t see out of that hole of victimization into a place of healing change, you will continue to believe it.

I know you can have what you want. I have experienced it. I have watched it happen for others over and over again, when they take steps towards identifying it, healing this wound, and going for it. You can do this too. If you decide you want to have another experience and begin to take steps in that direction, you will have it.

People who have feelings like this usually feel really stuck, frustrated and on a deep level, unloved. They don’t possibly believe someone could love them that much, they could have an experience that good, an orgasm that big, a dream like that come true.

It’s a false belief. And if you have it, it’s one to begin healing immediately, because you are not living and you are cutting yourself off from all of the pleasure, joy, love and amazing life experiences you are meant to have. You get to have all of it:

  • Sexy, loving, supportive relationships
  • The career you dream of
  • Work you are passionate about AND that makes you money
  • Big satisfying orgasms
  • A fulfilling sexual life
  • A lot of love in your life
  • Caring friends
  • Fun experiences
  • Realized dreams

You are not the only one who is unfixable. None of us are “unfixable” if we want to heal. Healing requires work. It requires taking action, the support of people who love you and will work to help you, willingness to do what it takes, and commitment to your own happiness. When you put those things in place, there is absolutely no way things won’t shift. They have to.

So if you are feeling stuck in some place of lack, some place of “I could never have that,” begin to take a look at who taught you this. Where did that belief come from? If people in your life have it, then you can have it too.

One of my mentors likes to say that if the idea for what you want is there, than the answer or solution is already there. That thing you have a desire for is already there waiting to be claimed. One can’t exist without the other. All you must do is claim it. End your disbelief.

If you have believed in this lack for a long time, it will take some time to unravel it. And you can do it. Will you decide to claim the pleasure, joy, love, relationships, and gorgeous experiences that are your birthright? You are not meant to be miserable and deprived. You are meant to be free and creative. What life are you creating for you in this moment?

 About The Author

Amy Jo GoddardAmy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator who blogs regularly at She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about. As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program in New York City and travels the US teaching courses and speaking at sexuality events. Check out her upcoming 90 day class!

About Dr. Jess

About Dr. Jess

Dr. Jess is a sexologist, author, international speaker and television personality. She has a PhD in human sexuality and travels the globe to promote deliciously pleasurable sex. From hosting Playboy TV’s SWING to running workshops for couples’ in the Caribbean, she relishes in every moment! Check out her tour schedule here.