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Sex with Dr. Jess


August 22, 2011

Workshop Sneak Peek: 3 Tips to Improve Sex & Intimacy

Improve intimacy

One of the best parts of my job (and yes — it’s hard to choose a favourite in this line of work) is teaching pleasure-based workshops for men, women and couples. I have a whole series of workshops planned over the next few months and a number of participants have emailed me looking for a few tips to get them started in the meantime…

Here are 3 quick tips to improve sex and intimacy:

1. Have Oral!

Oral sex isn’t just about what goes down between your legs — it’s about T-A-L-K as much as it is about S-E-X. Great communication skills make for a happy sex life and research suggests that those who talk about sex with a partner report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. And though it might be hard topic to talk about at first, the payoff is well worth it.

A few tips to get you started:

    • Choose a neutral time to initiate the talk. Don’t try talking about it as you’re getting hot and heavy or right after you’ve finished. It will feel less threatening if you don’t bring it up in the heat of the moment. And if you find that “the talk” leads to some sexy feelings, just roll with it and enjoy where it takes you.
    • Be honest — but not brutally honest. Sex is a very sensitive subject, so be tactful. Remind your partner how great s/he is and highlight all the things you love about your sex life.
    • Use “I” statements as much as possible and avoid accusatory language.

2.Play with toys!

A few fun sexual aids may be just what the doctor ordered to spice up your sex life. Vibrating toys can intensify orgasms, promote multiples and help spark conversation about your likes and dislikes in bed. For my clients who have difficulty orgasming during intercourse, wearing the We-Vibe has been hugely successful, as they enjoy the simultaneous vibrations against both the G-Spot and the clitoral glans.

Others enjoy the vibrating Touch, because of its reasonable size and many women like the fact that it isn’t shaped like a penis for several reasons: they use it for vulva stimulation as opposed to vaginal penetration; their male partners find it less intimidating; it is powerful and waterproof, so they can combine the Touch with fun in the tub.

3. Ban Genital Touch

OK — not forever. Just temporarily.

We all have the tendency to rush straight for the goods in the heat of the moment, but this type of routine can get predictable. So practice taking your time to play with your partner’s whole body and avoid the hot spots (like the penis, balls, vulva, anus, vagina, etc.) for the first few minutes of sex play. Rub all around your partner’s thighs and let your hair, breath or cheeks teasingly brush up against his/her genitals, but don’t feel the need to start rubbing, fingering or grabbing right away. Tease a little and wait until s/he starts begging (or thrusting) before you give into full-on contact. See how long you can last and hopefully you’ll discover some new hot spots along the way.

After you’ve spent a bit of time teasing, you may want to experiment with these touching, kissing and blowing techniques as you expend your sexual repertoire:

Pleasuring the Penis

Loving the Vulva

Until next time, have fun, experiment and always practice safer sex.